INSOMNIA

I don't sleep at night during the winter. I worry. Will Ruby end up with all ten toes, will May feel overlooked, what about my other kids, will I ever feel like I could have more kids again, will I wait too long, will my kids get along when they're older, will I be older when they are older, how old will I be when my parents die, how old will I be when I die, will Go die at a young age, will I be left alone, how will I support myself, would I want to get married again, who would even marry me, how will I convince Go that we need life insurance, why don't we have any money, what will happen when we finally have money, will we change, should we just give it to the poor, why are we so poor, why did I do art in college, why is art the only thing I can do, why can't I do other stuff, why aren't I better at things, why aren't I a better person, why am I so mean all the time, if I were less mean would I be less funny, why am I so negative, did I make my brothers the way they are, why are they like that, will they change, do I want them to change, would they have to change to be happy, would I have to change to be happy, am I happy, why is it so cold outside, why do I care so much if it's cold outside, why do I always live in cold places, why don't I have neighbors with kids, why don't I have more friends here, why didn't I have more friends in Iowa, was I a good enough friend, why aren't some of my friends married yet, will they find spouses that are good enough for them, am I good enough for Go, what if we had never met, what if I were still single, would I be fat, why couldn't I have met him after med school and residency, why did I encourage him to be a plastic surgeon, is this the life I want, will he have the relationship with my kids that I had with my dad, will I have the relationship I want with my kids, am I a good mom, are they in the gym day care too much, is my bottom getting bigger from spinning, is my schedule too full, is my house clean enough, am I cooking good enough food, am I getting all the laundry done, are there wet clothes in the wash, what's that weird smell in the bathroom, do I need to change the shower curtain liner, why does the tub take so long to drain, why does the downstairs toilet never flush right, will Go smash his hand when he puts down the floors tomorrow, will he never get to operate due to his crippled hand, will I have to go work at Kinkos to support our family, would I have to wear a polo shirt to work, why didn't I get better grades in college, why did I act so dumb back then, why do I act so dumb now, why don't I care about politics, what would our country be like if 9-11 never happened, what would I be like if I hadn't had been there, why am I scared all the time, why wasn't I with him the day of his surgery, why did I come a day after, why didn't I sleep there at the hospital with him, why wasn't I worried then, why do I worry so much now, why can't I go to sleep, oh yeah, because I'm too busy worrying.