The Following Things Made Me Beyond Happy Today

Kind of Embarrassing

If you've been a reader of this blog for awhile, you might be able to recall that I like to read the verbage on the packaging of products.

On my new B&B color support conditioner:

Caution: Do not use for dyeing eyelashes or eyebrows; to do so may cause blindness. Avoid getting in eyes.

It's a good I read that or:

"I regret to inform the readers of Deep Lunges & Unitards that this will be my last post ever, as unfortunately last night I was trying to dye my eyelashes with my conditioner and now I am blind."

Today's Travel Trivia

1. How long does it take to get from PA to Atlanta?

a. 1.5 hours
b. 0.5 hour
c. 2 hours
d. 1 hour

2. How long does it take to get from Atlanta to Orange County?

a. 4 hours
b. 3.5 hours
c. 4.5 hours
d. 5 hours

How exhausted will you be after traveling by yourself with two children and a 6 month old fetus?

a. not that exhausted
b. slightly exhausted
c. medium exhausted
d. extremely exhausted

If you answered:
1. (c)
2. (d)
3. (d)

give yourself a high five! If you answered a, b, or c for question 3, then obviously you've never travelled by yourself for 12 hours with two children and a 6 month old fetus.

Bathroom Humor Never Disappoints in This House

Since we're spending Christmas in Vegas/Irvine as usual, we celebrated here in PA early last Sunday. Santa was super nice and brought May what she had been talking about for months, which was a Baby Alive Learns to Potty. Yup, he really did.

This morning, the girls were playing with her (who's name is Flower, says May), feeding her bottles and watching her pee, each time screaming like Flower had just finished a marathon.

After about the 80th time running across the house, carrying a mini-toilet full of fake pee to show me, I was afraid they would spill, plus I was done pretending to be excited about Flower's fake urine.


Me: Girls, you don't need to show me her pee-pee anymore.
Ruby: Why not?
Me: Because I know what pee looks like. I've been peeing my whole life.

Ruby: (laughs hysterically for about 5 minutes, finally calms down and with a big sigh says)
Oh, man. That was a good one, Mom.

Fun Activity Idea To Do Instead of Sleeping at Night #5 and #6

#5. See what you'd look like if you wore the fanciest hijab in the mosque!

#6. Look up "insomnia" on wikipedia and diagnose yourself.
After thorough research, you deduce you have both:
Acute insomnia, which is the inability to consistently sleep well for a period
of between three weeks to six months
and
Middle-of-the-Night-Insomnia, which is characterized by difficulty returning to sleep
after awakening in the middle of the night, also referred to as nocturnal awakenings.

After reading a long list of causes that don't exactly ring true to you,
you find one line that finally fits the bill:
"An overactive mind may also be a cause."
You knew it. You are a genius with an overactive mind.

A Little Creepiness for Today

So there's this blog that I stalk. Like seriously stalk. I don't know the chick. I don't even know someone who knows her. Or anyone who knows someone who knows her. I am so far removed from this girl, that I should not be reading her blog, but I totally do. I do more than read, though. I pour over it. I salivate even.

Confession: I want to be her.

No. I won't tell you which blog it is. Because I plan on stealing her life one day and it's going to be mine. All mine.

Christmas Dresses

Someday I'll take as good of pictures of my own family as I do for other people's.

Maybe if I paid myself more money...
Oh well.
What these pictures lack in photography swagger, they make up for in cuteness.

Raccoon

Now somewhere in the Black Mountain hills of Dakota
There lived a young girl named May May Raccoon...

If baby #3 is a monkey,
than baby #2 is a raccoon.

Oh let me count the ways.

In the past 2 weeks or so, she has managed to:

-get into my makeup, grind blush into the carpet and draw on our duvet cover with mascara
-lather up her hair with lotion
-draw lines with permanent marker up and down her legs
-unload every single piece of clothing from her dresser (this has happened on more than one occasion) and try every single piece on
-draw "rainbows" in one of my books out of my own children's book collection (which I keep separate from the girls' books)
-open up several packages of tights that I was trying keeping "safe" so they could be returned
-smear a thick layer of pink toothpaste across the bathroom counter
-adhere stickers on our hard wood floor
-climb into the baby's crib so she could draw "way up high" on the wall (I'm glad this happened BEFORE I painted the walls)
-flush an entire box of Kleenex down the toilet
-rub deodorant all over her body (this also has happened on more than one occasion)
-slip Ruby's two teeth that she lost into my water glass I keep on my nightstand

I do keep an eye on my child.
Just not during her nap when I think she's sleeping and she's not.
She's just very quiet when she wants to be.
Like a raccoon. A mischievous, mischievous raccoon.

Fun Activity Idea To Do Instead of Sleeping At Night #4

Feed the baby who is currently taking up residence within you a banana.

Your snack choice is two-fold:

1. You've heard the potassium found in bananas might help
with subsiding your toe-wrenching Charlie Horses.

2. There are times, due to the insane amount of
kicking, drumming, tap dancing, twisting, twirling, somersaulting
you think there might be a monkey in there instead of a baby.

Fun Activity Idea To Do Instead of Sleeping At Night #3

Look at images on the internet done by artists and illustrators who you love and cry a little!

Ramon Casas

Jon J. Muth

Modigliani
Arthur Rackham

Chuck Close

Lisbeth Zwerger


N.C. Wyeth
Gustav Klimt
Robert Sabuda

David Wiesner

Ruth Christian Gannett
Maxfield Parrish

Lauren Child

Howard Pyle

Ian Falconer

Lane Smith

William Joyce

Fun Activity Idea To Do Instead of Sleeping at Night #2

Contemplate what life would be like without your chin!

This Guy Must Not Have Slept Last Night Either

Me: Hi, yah, I have a question about my daughter's insulin pump.

Customer Service Guy: Certainly. Before we start, could I get some information from you?

Me: Sure.

Guy: Could I have your first name, please.

Me: Annie.

Guy: A-n-n-y?

Me: I-e.

Guy: A-n-n-y-i-e?

Me: No, A-n-n-i-e.

Guy: Ok, thank you. And your last name, please?

Me: Reynolds.

Guy: R-a-n-o-l-d-s?

Me: No, r-e-y-n-o-l-d-s.

Guy: R-e-y-n-a-l-d-s?

Me: o-l-d-s.

Guy: a-o-l-d-s?

Me: No. R. E. Y. N. O. L. D. S.

Guy: R-e-y-n-o-l-d-s?

Me: Yes.

Guy: Ok, thank you. And you're calling about your daughter's insulin pump, is that correct?

Me: Yes.

Guy: And her first name?

Me: Ruby.

Guy: R-u-b-b-i-e?

Me: No, just one b and no i-e, just a y.

Guy: R-u-b-b-y?

Me: Just one b. R-u-b-y.

Guy: R-u-b-y?

Me: Yes! Perfect!

Guy: Ok, thank you. And her last name?

Me: Reynolds as well.

Guy: R-e-n-a-l-d-s?

Me: Sigh.

And Now For a New Post Series

Fun Activity Ideas To Do Instead of Sleeping At Night


#1. See what you'd look like if you wore a hijab!

New Do

They say you should never do anything drastic to your hair when you're pregnant

but they aren't the boss of me.