Not just any old apron will do. Oh no. The fact that I'm ready to put on an apron again, is a big deal people. A BIG deal. Let me tell you a little bit about the ones I was forced to wear as a child and then you might see why I'm being so picky.
They had sleeves, a square neck, and two ties in the back. They were much like hospital gowns, now that I think about it. You know, the ones that movies have their main characters wear while they break out of hospitals, when they hurriedly rip off their IV's and go flailing barefooted down the hall with their bare buns exposed for all to see. This is where I would like to make an ironic statement and draw parallels between members of my family and mental institution patients both wearing this particular style, but I won't. Moving on, one was coral colored and the other blue. Very thin fabric.
Now let me tell you about the ones I was forced to wear as a teenager and even a college freshman home from BYU during Christmas break (to which I refused and was given "Fine, then you can do your own laundry while you're home then," to which I said "Gladly!" and flung the apron off with the gusto that only years of pent up resentment and defiance over the wearing of said apron could produce.)
Full style, but no sleeves. (Risque!) A d-ring type neck strap thing, much like the Hooter Hiders that everyone is so wild about but I never got the hang of. Thick canvas fabric. Pockets for I don't know what. (A spatula because you're just too lazy to reach into that drawer right there? Some old Werther's Butterscotches? Hundred dollah bills, yo?) A tie in the back. These were mostly of the flowered printed variety.
Since that day when the apron and I parted ways, I've seen a plain royal blue, a cow print and a polka dotted number come down the line and into my Mother's overstuffed apron drawer. Was there a red one at one point? There had to have been. Mama Garlock's all about the red.
So since I have obviously been traumatized, I would like to steer clear of anything that resembles any apron that I've ever worn from the time I was squozed in the world (by a mother who everyone thought was wearing a hospital gown but was really just wearing an apron, SUCKAS!) until the day I dramatically flung off my apron and started doing my own laundry, which was the last time I wore an apron...over a decade ago.
Though there are a lot of aprons out there, I haven't seen any that really tickle my fancy. My lovey-dovey Anthropologie sells aprons (but we love her anyway) but there's nothing there I want to copy. There are a lot of skirt-styles floating around but that style doesn't make sense to me at all. Like why are we only going to be protecting our pants? Why discriminate against the shirt? I need coverage people. I'm a hot mess, which is why I've relented to going back to wearing a freaking apron in the first place. There are a bunch with like 4 different fabrics in them (the main fabric, the right pocket, the left pocket, the straps, the trim, all different but coordinating fabrics...gah!), some with ric-rac or puff-ball trim, some with ruffles or pleats but those are too cutesy-wootsie. I'm not anti-pleats or ruffles or puff-ball trim or ric-rac per say, but just because I'm a girl wearing an apron, doesn't mean I have to look like I've lost my sheep and don't know where to find them.
I think the look I'm going for is something Audrey Hepburnish. (What else is new?) Something almost French looking, like what your typical cigarette smoking, beret wearing, striped bateau-neck shirt and skinny black pants that hit above the ankle wearing, bicycle with a basket in the front carrying a loaf of bread and a bunch of red tulips riding French woman would wear...if she was forced to wear an apron.
