Just a Word of Advice

If you're extremely sensitive to caffeine, and foolishly decide at 10 pm to eat the last slice of Bittersweet Chocolate Flour-less Cake, it would be wise after still lying awake at 1:30 am, to heed the sage advice from your husband when he suggests taking a sleep aid. And then, after retorting* "YOUR MOM should take some Melatonin," you should not stalk into the bathroom and decide to trim your bangs. You might walk out looking like a person hopped up on caffeine who picked up some scissors and went to town...with their eyes closed. And then, after becoming 50% distraught over your new insane-asylum-patient look and 50% distraught over the fact that you actually don't really care that much and why don't you care because you should care and what does this say about yourself and why are you so lame lately, you should not lie awake until 5 am watching Youtube videos of Korean girls trimming their bangs.

*Tena, if you're reading this, I wasn't specifically talking about YOU. This is a joke 30-somethings say to each other as a sassy and extremely intelligent and mature comeback, along the lines of "I know you are but what am I?" to shut the other person up. But let's be honest, you probably really should take a Melatonin.

Now That I'm Back and Looking at the Previous Post on a Real Computer

Um, in my defense, the sun was super bright in the Caribbean and cast a mighty glare on my phone's screen, thus making it nearly impossible to plainly see the photo of myself which I blindly, as it were, posted on the spot for all to see.

But what's done is done.

Also in my defense: you start feeling pretty secure with your quite average physique after being on a cruise ship for a couple of days, what with the unquestionably high rate of swim-suited passengers with their swollen beer bellies, their legs ravaged with varicose veins, their obvious fungal infections, and their unflattering drunken gyrations.

We Had Ourselves Some Merry Little Christmas Dresses

This is Mainly for You, NatD

Dear Natalie,

You are the bomb dot com, org, net, gov, edu.

I can't wait to sit in your chair and gab it up while you restore my hairs. Because you are basically a rock star, a rock star since I've known and loved since like middle school, this makes me excited. It will be well needed fun after flying across the country with my raccoons all by my little self. I am already resigned to the fact that at least 5 strangers will see my boobs after I try nursing Olive in those tiny, squashed together airplane seats. Can't wait!

Awhile back, you asked me to send to pictures of how I would like my hair. Instead of clogging your inbox, I thought I would clog my blog.

This is how I got my hairs cut the last time I got them cut. I was growing out my bangs or fringe, as it were, so it was a good style for me. This was also a fitting style for my hair type.
It was a very sleek and polished cut. Though cute, it wasn't me. I am not a sleek and polished girl. On the rare occasion that I look put-together and polished, I feel like I do when I wear lipstick, which is a liar. I'm pretty disheveled most of the time but I feel it works for me and am comfortable that way.

Let's try to figuratively capitalize on this fact.

I present to you Alexa Chung. I like her. You probably do, too. And not just because she is 50% Chinese and you are 100% Chinese, but because she is cool, as are you. She pulls off looking shleppy yet stylish and cute all at the same time. At this point of my life, this is what I aspire to. I've got the shlep part down so far. Working on the style portion. Cute?...that's where you come in, my dearie.
I like how her hair looks like she slept on it or simply air dried it. This would fit into my lifestyle perfectly. Would my hair do this? It has a sliiiiiight wave to it when it's air dried and when I go to bed with it wet, but not this much. I'm wondering if razored layers would help achieve this look? Or some sort of product? Or is this like trying to pass a bill to put diet root beer in all of the drinking fountains instead of water? Was a curling iron or some other sort of heating device involved with this particular style? I hope not because I would rather not have my children see me throw a hissy fit and send styling products and devices careening into walls and crashing through windows.

I like it. But I think I want bangs again. Excuse me, fringe. Maybe. I can't decide. And blonde of course. I also would definitely go with a side part, not a middle because I'd rather not have my nose looking like the size of an RV, thank you.

I'd like to be able to grow it out to look like this, but again, my hair might be too straight to do this without much effort:
Oh, and if you could make my body look like her's while you're at it, that'd be really fantastic.

Also, it would be nice if I didn't end up looking like this:
Your pal,
Annie

P.S. - I can't get this peacock headband I've been working on to not look ridiculous. I feel like a failure. I really wanted to do this for you. I'm losing faith.
P.S.S. - The outfit you sent Olive was seriously the cutest thing I've ever seen. I've become THE WORST thank-you-card sender-outter in the past couple of years, which also makes me feel like a failure...could this be why I want a sloppy hair cut and not a sleek, presentable one? Hm...so much pyschology behind styling...
P.S.S.S - Every time I hear Skee Lo's I Wish or eat a Reisen, I think of you.

Well, It's About Freaking Time

I got my hair did.

New Do

They say you should never do anything drastic to your hair when you're pregnant

but they aren't the boss of me.

Finally.

Hallelujah. I'm blonde again. Not orange. Not brown. Not brown streaked with orange. Blonde. Why has this been so hard, people?
I multitask better as a blonde.

And how long has it been since I've walked away from my stylist with a smile? SOOOO long. Let's hear it for Bryn and hope she keeps coming back to Hershey for us podunk gals in the sticks.

And Camie, as always, is a champion. Thanks again for watching my girls, McCullough. I always know my girls are in good (but full!) hands when they are at the Casa de McCulloughs.

AFTER