Oh, all right.

Why do I feel like if I don't answer someone's tag request, it's like I'm kicking them in the shins? This one's for you Amanda. Only because you're my cousin and I love you. And I'd love you even if you weren't my cousin.

10 years ago I was:
a senior in high school so it wasn't like I was ever actually there. I had 2 jobs: art instructor at an art academy which I loved because I got to teach kids art lessons. They were all Taiwanese and they taught me how to use chopsticks using colored pencils. I was also working as a colorist (yes, my job was to color) at an architectural firm, which I loved because it was just me and about 15 middle-aged architects--15 funny middle-aged architects and I secretly had crushes on every single one. Other than that, I was tweedling around Southern CA with my BF, along with my BFF and my other F's, too. Driving my beloved VW bus that sat 7 comfortably and 18 uncomfortably automatically made me chauffer. I'll never get over that car.

5 things on my "To Do" list today
1. Teach spin
2. Clean the bathrooms
3. Grocery shop
4. Reading lessons with Ruby
5. Dinner - make/eat/clean

5 Snacks I enjoy
1. oranges
2. yogurt
3. pickles
4. popcorn
5. almonds

What I would do if I was given a billion dollars?
I'd like to think I'd give a lot of it away because a billion all at once dollars can majorally change a person. After that...I don't know. To tell you the truth, I really rather not think about it.

5 places I have lived
1. Irvine, CA
2. Jacksonville, FL
3. Houston, TX
4. Denver, CO
5. Iowa City, IA

5 jobs I have had:
Oh, there are so many to choose from. Well, I already mentioned a couple above. Here are 5 other jobs I had as a teenager (the jobs I've had as an adult are snoozeville):

1. Babysitter: loved it. It was then at the tender age of 12 when I discovered the satisfaction of getting paid in real life dollars. I seriously got like 50 cents a week for allowance back then. "Don't spend it all in one place," my mom would say. (Fine, I'll save my $ up for a couple of weeks and then buy TWO packs of gum.)

2. Chicks Sporting goods - gift wrapper during Christmas time. It was then at the tender age of 14 when I discovered double sided tape.

3. My Dad's construction/developing company one summer: secretarial junk. I loved it because he'd take me out to lunch a lot. It was then at the tender age of 15 when I discovered pesto.

4. Hogi Yogi - There was a fire station across the street. It was then at the tender age of 16 when I discovered firemen.

5. Screenprinting/Embroidery company: secretarial work, shoved in a sweaty office with an extremely unhappily married couple and an illegal immigrant from Mexico who would bring me short bread cookies and flirt with me in broken English. "You pretty hair. You and me-- us go to my van." It was then at the tender age of 17 when I discovered that being aggressively persued made me extremely uncomfortable.

5 things people don't know about me:
Hm. I'm a pretty open person. And when I'm not, I have good reasons. But I'll give it a whirl.

1. I often check my rear-view mirror to see if any cars are following me. I blame this on Alias, 24 and other shows of the like that have made me completely paranoid.

2. Just recently have I become 100% comfortable with being female.

3. I have seen every single episode of MacGyver.

4. I can say the alphabet backwards almost as fast as I can say it forwards. These are the things that an insomniac learns to do while trying desperately to fall asleep.

5. I am currently inwardly working on not being frightened by the elderly.

Let's see. Have all the Garlock cousins been tagged? If you're a Garlock or married to one and haven't been tagged yet, tag. You're it.

This Is Why I Don't Sleep

A lady planted a little seed in my brain last week and now I have a 6-inch bean sprout poking out of my ear. We were spraying down our spin bikes and chatting. She asked what I did besides teach spin, I told her I was an artist and she perked right up. "I'm an artist, too! I have a bookbinding studio."

I practically dropped my spray bottle. Bookbinding was my number one complete unrequited love back in college. It is in fact tied with Ossie Antonetti, the dreamy afroed volleyball player from Puerto Rico, who's life sized cardboard image graced my apartment wall until I moved out, got married and was told that, "No, he cannot be stapled gunned to our ceiling."

Bookbinding was the one class that I always wanted to take but never could get into. Sometimes, I'd go into the room where the class was held and breathe in the glue, the paper, the bone folders. And then I'd walk around and leer at the cool books being made, with all of the special papers and the special fibers and the special techniques and the special...specialnesses. Sigh.

So then this woman either handed me a wad of cash or said this, I don't remember which because I would be equally excited by either one: "Come to my studio. I'll teach you everything you need to know."

Uh oh.

The Happy Couple

And let's not forget about Donna.

Larry and Donna, together at last.

Baby G

My dear friend let me take some pictures of her 10 week-old beebee today. I think they turned out pretty good. Of course, the fact that this little pumpkin pie is about as darling as they come really helped out alot.

The Short Man Convention

Around 3 pm on Saturday:

Go: Let's go to the car show!
Me: I'd rather go to the dentist.
Go: Only because you actually need to go to the dentist.
Me: Only because I can't think of another place I'd rather be any less.

Extremely reluctantly, much like what I imagine trying to bathe a cat would be like, after some persuasion he gets me to go. I finally agree mostly because a) he's awake and not at the hospital, b) he actually wants to do something besides sleep, c) it's a Saturday in January in Pennsylvania.

It is not what he imagined, not filled with weird concept cars but just normal old cars you see everyday which was a let down for him, but for me it was a people watching bonanza. Like, what's the deal with these people taking pictures with their cell phones of Chevy Malibus and Ford Escorts? If only I had brought my camera: "Kids, jump in the front seat of this Hummer and I'll take your picture. Ok, everyone say "I'm single-handedly destroying the environment!" Click!" I particularly enjoyed all of the mouth-breathing preteen males that obviously get cars confused with girls. Other then stare at people and fiddle with my bangs in every reflective surface I came across, I didn't see anything too impressive. At one point, I did point to a car and say "I like that color scheme. It reminds me of root beer." Riveting. But it was after I made a startling discovery that I really started enjoying myself: Every guy (20 yrs and older) in the place was short, like my height and shorter. I have nothing against the short man, but out of the 300 guys I saw today, maybe 20 were over 5'10". This made for some serious interesting pondering.

His name is Larry

Before Lunch

A Real Threat

I think we’ve all suffered enough. I’m so over the writers guild strike. Give the guys what they deserve and be done with it. If something doesn’t happen soon, networks may have to resort to using regular old Joe Shmoe’s like me to write their shows. The results would not be good. It could go something like this:

For LOST
They are all minding their own business: Jack is scowling, Sawyer is smirking, Kate is doing something that shows off her toned shoulders, Hurley is still fat, when all of a sudden loud beeping noises fill the air. Everyone looks up in bewilderment and BAM! Cut to Regis Philbin rolling over in bed and smacking his alarm clock. Regis scratches his head and says “I just had the wackiest dream!”


For The Office

Jim is standing next to Pam’s desk, giggling and whispering. Dwight, in the background, is walking into the office covered in a rash and scratching himself. The two love birds immediately go straight-faced.

Jim: Hi, Dwight.
Dwight: Shut up, Jim.
Pam: All he did was say hi, Dwight. What’s wrong? (suppressing a smile)
Dwight: You know what’s wrong! I know it was you two!

Michael bursts into the office wearing a rainbow flag like a toga.

Michael: Everyone! Conference room! Five minutes!

Cut to Phyllis.

Phyllis: Goodbye Bob Vance from Vance Refrigeration. (hangs up the phone) Why, Michael?
Michael: Because I’m gay. That’s why!

Cut to Jim and Pam.

Jim: Pam, I’m seriously in love with you. Marry me.
Pam: Let’s have babies!


And if it were up to me, I’d bring back Gilmore Girls.

We open with Rory on Barack’s campaign trail, riding on a bus through what looks like the middle of nowhere but is somewhere in Iowa, which coincidentally IS the middle of nowhere.

Cut to the bus driver, who is Christian Bale just because I said so.

Scan to the road. Up in the distance, standing in the middle of the desolate freeway is a figure waving his arms.

Christian Bale, who is the best bus driver in the world, slows to a stop.

Rory looks up confused, like “Christian, what’s the deal? You totally interrupted my political writing flow,” and we hear shoes slapping the asphalt.

Christian opens the bus doors and we see the dark haired surly goodness of Jess come aboard Barack Obama’s campaign bus.

Jess: Rory! Rory! Where are you!
Rory: Jess?!!

Jess runs down the aisle, shoving the knees of denim clad Democrats aside.

Jess: Rory! I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more just to be the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door.
Rory: Well, since you put it that way…let’s get married and have babies.

Jess scoops Rory up in his arms when BOOM! The entire bus spontaneously combusts from having Milo Ventiglimia and Christian Bale in the same vicinity for over 30 seconds.

Skool is kool

Today the rotating preschool-type thing we're apart of was at our house. The letter was "M." The theme was "animals." What did we make? Monkey puppets. In honor of May and her recent antics, of course. The kids also drew pictures of their favorite animals. Here are some pics from this morning. Not too exciting but fun if you were there.

M's picture of a giraffe eating leaves off of a tree. I was very impressed.
Ruby didn't like the picture she drew of a dog.
A's favorite animal: a dragon. This was taken before he added the fire.

Ruby putting on the finishing touches.
M's finished product. They were a hit.

10 Year High School Reunion a la Mastercard Ad

Plane flight to Irvine in October for me and the girls: $1800.

Ticket to Reunion Event: $85.

Deciding not to go (see aformentioned plane ticket price), thereby relieving myself of an evening spent explaining the past 10 years of my life over and over and over and over: Priceless.

A Typical Evening Minus the Fire Breathing and Sword Swallowing

Partners in Crime

Get Yer Chowder On

Tomorrow, I'm making Cheddar Corn Chowder for lunch. I don't have anything else to say about this. I just really wanted the title of this post to grace the top of my blog for awhile, that's all.

You Know Those Monkeys at the Zoo?

Ruby was a pretty mellow baby and toddler. She didn't throw huge tantrums, she didn't flush my jewelry down the toilet, she didn't smear peanut butter all over the walls; she was remarkably kind to me. Before Ruby was diagnosed with the big D and I was oh-so-naive, May was born. She instantly had health issues and was more temperamental. I remember thinking "Oh, this kid is going to do me in." She got RSV, had asthma, eczema, acid reflux, torticollis and needed physical therapy. Then Ruby turned 3 and just days later was diagnosed. I thought "Oh, so this is why she's been so nice to me. She was saving it all up." The tables had turned and Ruby had become my "problem child." Now a year and a half later, she's on the pump and we've got it all figured out. May has been 2 years old for almost 3 months now. I regret to report that my original thoughts about May being a bigger hand full may have been confirmed as of this morning. I wake up to her screaming. Ruby, who truly delights in being the bearer of bad news, runs into May's room, and runs back out into the hallway hollering "May's naked and everything's covered in poop!" I will go no further with the story, nor will I post any pictures. Your welcome.

Snow Falls on the Cemetery

Why I Love Tuesday Mornings

Oh, If Only Having a Healthy Self Esteem Meant Having a Healthy Body

Ruby: What number of Diabetes am I?
Me: You mean what type do you have?
Ruby: Yah, like type 4 or type 5. What's my number?
Me: You have Type 1.
Ruby: Number one? Because I'm the best?
Me: Yes...you have Diabetes because you're the best.
Ruby: Yah, I thought so.

Because You're Dying To Know

Took that test on that Tickle site that's been floating around on the blog world and my results were as follows:

You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

Wow, really? You think I'm extraordinary? Thanks random website!

For really creepy, spot-on results, it should have said this:

You are kind of like this weird greenish-yellow-blueish-red. A strange and bizarre color that indicates a strong personality, greenish-yellow-blueish-red is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature except when they're not. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright demeanor, except when you're in a dark mood and get seriously cynical. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet but you've never been able to do the splits. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person who is an easy target for pyramid schemes and other scams, so people want to meet and get to know you better. Well-rounded because you don't sleep and therefore have more time than most people do and fun to be around since you're usually so tired and slap-happy, you enjoy helping others as long as it doesn't majorly inconvenience you, and it's no surprise that greenish-yellow-blueish-red symbolizes attraction, because you don't shower as regularly as you should so you know, you're crawling pheromones and what not. Greenish-yellow-blueish-red is an odd color -- for an odd person.

Ruby's Mom: Princess of Power

So Ruby's been making a lot of these lately:
They are bracelets and when she makes me wear them, they make me feel like I could beat up bad guys. Thanks, Rubes.

*My elbow is not dirty. I did not stick it in gum. It's a scar from when I fell off my bike in the 4th grade right after they repaved our cul de sac. I was trying to jump a sweet ramp but it ended with me on the pavement. Think Napoleon Dynamite but with less grace. My Dad literally dug through my skin trying to get all the asphalt out but didn't succeed. You'd think after almost 20 years, the junk would have gotten out somehow or at least faded or something. Nope. After all these years, I've still got rocks in my elbow.

Super Fun Game!

Here are the girls' latest game. It's called Who Wants to Cry?!!! It goes something like this:

Ruby: (marches around) Who! Wants! To cry! Who! Wants! To cry!
May: Me!
Ruby: Ok! Cry!
May: (smiles and whispers) wah!
Ruby: (starts marching around again) Who! Wants! To cry! Who! Wants! To cry!
May: Me!
Ruby: Ok! Cry louder this time!
May: Ok, Beebs! WAH!
Ruby: Very good. You win!

My kids are crazy.

Pillow Talk

While cleaning out my art studio the other day, I was inspired by this little number:


I made this while I sat at my booth at the Hershey Craft Show last year. I really didn't know what it was I was doing, just something to keep my hands busy and the tears up in my noggin while people dashed right by my little masterpieces to get their hands on some snowmen made of out pine cones.

This couch needs some rectangular pillows to fit alongside the arm rests. Because of the room's odd color scheme, I'm going to have to create my own "fabric" with flannel and felt. This could be interesting.

iTune Giftcards!

Thanks to my 'lil BIL Coulter and Santa Claus, I've got some serious cash to burn via iTunes.
Here are my latest purchases:
1. Dan in Real Life Soundtrack
2. Juno Soundtrack
3. Ring Them Bells - Sufjan Stevens
4. Silver Linig - Rilo Kiley
5. I Can't Go for That (No Can Do) - Hall and Oates (going through a major H&O phase right now)
6. Kiss On My List - H & O
7. Maneater - H & O
8. Burning - Whitest Boy Alive
9. The Good, The Bad & The Queen - The Good, The Bad & The Queen
10. Mansfard Roof - Vampire Weekend (thanks Mac)

Here's Mansfard Roof. I love this video--there's something very Hard Day's Night (the film, not the song) about it.

Ok, Just Two More

I know this picture of May is totally blurry and I didn't bother tweaking it, but I love it. Look at that sweet face.


Even though I'm not a big fan of PA, I do have to give it some props for its beautiful golden lighting in the evenings.

Calling All Photography Gurus...and Non Photography Gurus, I Guess

I'm new at this whole photography thing. Here's a sample from the first set of pictures I've shot. I know, lovely subject. Ruby skips the slides, skips the swings and heads straight for the dirt. Everytime.

So the top one is without the help of Photoshop--just me and my camera. It looks so washed out compared to the bottom one, which was Photoshopped. So here are my questions:
1. Is the reason the top picture is so washed out because of my ghetto lens?
2. If I got a more expensive lens, would this help? Or is this why we have Photoshop?
3. The bottom picture - is this too much color? I like vibrant photos but I think I might have gone overboard. How can I tell ? What do you think?

Any opinions/tips would be greatly appreciated, my lovelies.

New friends

The other day, I finally got a frame for this picture.











I was taking the insert shown below out of the new frame when the following dialogue took place:

Ruby: Why are you taking that picture of those people out?
Me: So I can put in a picture of you.
Ruby: Don't you like those people?
Me: I don't know those people.
Ruby: So...what are you going to do with that picture?
Me: Throw it away. It's trash.
Ruby: What if we hung it up on the refrigerator?
Me: Why? We don't know them. It's just there to show you where a photo should go.
Ruby: What if I hung it in my room?
Me: The frame?
Ruby: No, this picture of these people.
Me: Why do you want to hang this picture in your room?
Ruby: So people will know we know them.
Me: But we don't.
Ruby: Well, now we do. We have their picture.

I was relaying the story to Ruby's Grandma and in her best "What Ruby Wants, Ruby Must Get" voice, Grandma Caren said "Well, did you give it to her?"

Yes. Yes I did.

Peter Piper Picked a Can of Peppers

My in-laws stuff some seriously good stockings. This year in its depths I found a can of pepper spray. I've always wanted one! I don't know where to keep it (away from my kids but in a place where I could get to it if needs be) or where I would be that I would need it but either way, I'm totally stoked.
In doing some research about my new can of pepper spray, I gleaned some interesting tidbits:

You must wear a scarf when using pepper spray.
When spraying your can, you must hold out your palm, indicating to the attacker to stop, but more importantly, you must slightly bend one knee.
If you use pepper spray with confidence, your face will remain completely calm and unafraid. Only a Mona Lisa-like smile will appear, one that says "Hey, man. Don't mess with me. I'm mysterious."

Randomnicities

1.During our traffic-filled crawl from Irvine to Vegas, I had a strange dream involving Magician Lance Burton, probably because his face was plastered up on every other billboard. Because we only went 2 mph the entire way there, I got a really good look at him. I'm pretty sure this guy is really like 70 years old and he holds the wrinkling flaps of his face back behind his head with clothes pins.


2. I miss drumming/playing Rock Band. Go's family got it for Christmas and I weasled my way onto the drums as much as I could. Ever since then, I've been listening to music and imagining little colored rectangles flying at me. I always wanted to drum, something I told a co-worker once, to which he replied "I could picture you being a really good drummer. You're the best chick driver I've ever driven with and if driving a stick is anything like drumming, you'd be great." I decided to ignore the obnoxious part of the remark and took it as a huge compliment. I also miss driving a stick, come to think of it.



3. I am still awaiting the arrival of my new Canon Rebel camera. Amazon said it would come today. It's 6:30 pm and still no camera. Liars!








4. Today May is very into being a princess, or should I say "peen-theth". You must say this word with your tongue sticking out to get the full effect.









5. I bought the Juno soundtrack and have been listening to it nonstop. It only gets better with time. Like cheese. And myself, so my husband tells me. I'm not so sure of this, though. While in Vegas, Ruby and I were looking at an old family portrait, the first Reynolds family picture I was in and I thought "Hey, I used to be kinda cute" and she pointed right at my tan, skinny, blonde head said "Who's that girl?" Boo.