A Real Threat

I think we’ve all suffered enough. I’m so over the writers guild strike. Give the guys what they deserve and be done with it. If something doesn’t happen soon, networks may have to resort to using regular old Joe Shmoe’s like me to write their shows. The results would not be good. It could go something like this:

For LOST
They are all minding their own business: Jack is scowling, Sawyer is smirking, Kate is doing something that shows off her toned shoulders, Hurley is still fat, when all of a sudden loud beeping noises fill the air. Everyone looks up in bewilderment and BAM! Cut to Regis Philbin rolling over in bed and smacking his alarm clock. Regis scratches his head and says “I just had the wackiest dream!”


For The Office

Jim is standing next to Pam’s desk, giggling and whispering. Dwight, in the background, is walking into the office covered in a rash and scratching himself. The two love birds immediately go straight-faced.

Jim: Hi, Dwight.
Dwight: Shut up, Jim.
Pam: All he did was say hi, Dwight. What’s wrong? (suppressing a smile)
Dwight: You know what’s wrong! I know it was you two!

Michael bursts into the office wearing a rainbow flag like a toga.

Michael: Everyone! Conference room! Five minutes!

Cut to Phyllis.

Phyllis: Goodbye Bob Vance from Vance Refrigeration. (hangs up the phone) Why, Michael?
Michael: Because I’m gay. That’s why!

Cut to Jim and Pam.

Jim: Pam, I’m seriously in love with you. Marry me.
Pam: Let’s have babies!


And if it were up to me, I’d bring back Gilmore Girls.

We open with Rory on Barack’s campaign trail, riding on a bus through what looks like the middle of nowhere but is somewhere in Iowa, which coincidentally IS the middle of nowhere.

Cut to the bus driver, who is Christian Bale just because I said so.

Scan to the road. Up in the distance, standing in the middle of the desolate freeway is a figure waving his arms.

Christian Bale, who is the best bus driver in the world, slows to a stop.

Rory looks up confused, like “Christian, what’s the deal? You totally interrupted my political writing flow,” and we hear shoes slapping the asphalt.

Christian opens the bus doors and we see the dark haired surly goodness of Jess come aboard Barack Obama’s campaign bus.

Jess: Rory! Rory! Where are you!
Rory: Jess?!!

Jess runs down the aisle, shoving the knees of denim clad Democrats aside.

Jess: Rory! I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more just to be the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door.
Rory: Well, since you put it that way…let’s get married and have babies.

Jess scoops Rory up in his arms when BOOM! The entire bus spontaneously combusts from having Milo Ventiglimia and Christian Bale in the same vicinity for over 30 seconds.