Shmaprons

There's this girl I know who while growing up during meal times, her mother required her to wear an apron. This mother really didn't like removing stains and apparently, that girl was a pretty messy eater. I would venture to say that this girl, now an adult, is probably still a messy eater but that's just an educated guess. Anyway, this girl, we'll call her...Shmannie, even during her teenage years, had to wear an apron no matter who was over at the house. Friends. Missionaries. Out of town guests. Friend-Boys. Boyfriends. Potential but unrequited boyfriends most likely due to the messy eating/apron wearing. Shmannie's mother, who I'm just pulling a name out of a hat here--Shmaren, wears an apron almost all day long. Shmaren packs aprons with her when she goes on vacation. Shmaren brings aprons with her to functions where she might find herself helping out in the kitchen. Shmaren probably offers to help out in the kitchen just so that she can wear her apron. Shmaren is a big fan of aprons and has very stain-free clothes. For 18 years, Shmaren has tried to convert her daughter (and sons) to the way of the apron before leaving her nest, but her plight is unsucessful. Our Shmannie, while a college student living in...Shmrovo attending...BYShmoo and out on her own, even though Shmaren has stuck an apron in her suitcase for her to use, refuses to when she eats or when she cooks her Ramen noodles or makes her ham sandwiches. The feeling is liberating, I would imagine. Now when Shmannie goes back home to, let's call it, oh...Shmirvine for the holidays, she is horrified to learn that she must still wear an apron at dinner. It must be what a nudist feels like at a turtleneck convention. Why a nudist would attend a turtleneck convention, I haven't the foggiest but that's what Shmannie feels like. I'm just guessing here. So now several years down the road, with time being able to heal all wounds and our Shmannie grown up with children of her own, let's call them Shmuby and Shmay just for kicks, does she make them wear aprons? No. Will she ever make them wear aprons? No. Does Shmannie, who dutifully slaves over a bubbling and hot stove almost nightly just as her mother Shmaren did, wear an apron like she probably should? No. Does Shmannie, who still cannot eat something without dripping it on herself, wear an apron like she probably should? No. She refuses. Which is too bad because she is passing up oppurtunities to look cute in something like these or anything from her friend Alison's site. Has Shmannie forgiven her Mother even though she is scarred for life? Yes. Will Shmannie ever be able to forget, though? No.