I've Got New Zealand Fever

Three Weeks and One Day

Three weeks ago, I posted that I had scheduled myself out to deep clean my house over the next 21 days. Today is day 22 and I'd like to proclaim that I almost did it. I did the kitchen, the girls room, our room, Olive's room, the front room, the downstairs bathroom, the pantry, the basement and as of this morning/afternoon: the garage. I still have the upstairs bathroom and my art room to go, but those won't take long. The garage was my Mount Everest. I'm ashamed to say it's been our dumping ground for the past four years and never paid any attention to--I've been dreading this since the beginning. This morning, from 8:30 to 12:30, I climbed it, covered in sawdust, insects (both dead and alive) grime, larvae, cobwebs, spiderwebs, spider eggs, dead leaves, mold, pollen and old mouse poo. I've never felt so disgusting yet so triumphant in my entire life after I had finished. I've never taken a longer shower than I did this afternoon. But our garage has never looked better, not counting the HUGE mound of trash bags taking up the better half of the garage. I can't wait until trash day.

Favorite Moments From Today

1. Trying to talk to the pediatrician over the squeaks, squeals, zips, screeches coming from the Zhu Zhu pet in my purse while we both pretended not to notice.

2. Wrestling (I usually use this word as hyperbole, but this time I really mean it) May, trying to keep her still so she could get blood drawn while singing/yelling "May May, come out and play with me! And bring your dollies three! Climb up my apple tree! Slide down my rainbow..." in front of four recoiling phlebotomists.

3. After the doctor's/lab, instead of taking Ruby back to school for lunch, we took our lunch to a park where we were attacked by bees thanks to my beloved Jo Malone Nectarine Blossom & Honey Cologne and wait for it...wait for it, I stuck my hand in a fresh pile of dog poo.

4. Taking Ruby back to school and chatting with her school nurse while I held Olive who insisted on repeatedly pulling down my scooped neck t-shirt and sticking her hands down into my shirt, causing some major Northern Exposure. Nope. Not just a TV show from the 80's.

5. Dinner with the girls at Costco. Olive, who was already covered in remnants of various samples (chocolate milk, yogurt, pot stickers, sticky buns, chicken soup, chocolate mousse) was really excited to eat and so overcome with love and joy for her dinner, hugged an entire slice of pizza against her chest and lovingly rocked it back and forth. I still had 2 more errands to run after that, which if it hadn't been such a chilly evening, she would have worn just her cow-print leg warmers and her diaper rather than her cow-print leg warmers and a light green onesie covered with chocolate milk, yogurt, pot stickers, sticky buns, chicken soup, chocolate mousse and a grease stain the exact shape and size of a gigantic slice of pizza.

Still, it was a good day.

For Realsies Friday Photos: MayMay and Olive Before the Bus Stop

This is how we eat crackers:

We start out ferocious, just to let those crackers know who's boss

and then once they know we mean business,

we ease up and end rather daintily.

Miss Sassy Mo Lassy.

Squabbling over territory.

Olive points to our obnoxious neighbor and is all like

"Who does that guy think he is?"

Possibly the Friday Photo: At the Doctor's Office

List 'o Twelve Things That Should Be Done Today But Won't

Behold!

1. Clean out our room
2. Clean out Olive's room
3. Clean out the upstairs bathroom
4. Sew 5 caps
5. Construct 6 hair clips
6. Sew bright blue raw woven silk dirndl style skirt
7. Write a chapter
8. Clean out garage
9. Edit 2 photoshoots
10. Ship 5 packages
11. Research things to do in Toronto
12. Do all the other normal stuff that needs to be done

Major Heebeejeebees Happening Here

From what I've been told, I'm kind of a mouth breather when I sleep. This does not sit well with me now that I know there's a Tremors Mini Me still creeping around my room. How am I supposed to sleep tonight? Seriously.

Sent from my iPhone

Friday Photo

Camera battery is dead as dead can be. Please accept this humble picture taken by phone. Ruby wants me to be sure to point out the following things to Grandma: leopard print cardigan. Saddle shoes. Heidi braids.

This Is What Happens When I Try To Do Stuff

I am now just 2 degrees away from Kevin Bacon. Would you like to know how?

Let me start by making a long story short:

Today, due to two nights of only sleeping for 3 hours, was the first morning I felt alive enough to get up early-early and work on the 1/10 of a novel I have started.

That's the shortened part.

This morning my alarm was set for 5:30 but Olive woke up at 5:15 screaming. I got her settled down and was walking back to my room as my alarm was going off. "Well that wasn't that bad. Let's do this thing." I flip on my bed side lamp, set up my headrest, my two pillows, pull out my lap top and settle in, open up my Word doc and..."WAAAAAAAAH!" Olive again. I attempt to work but a crying baby isn't really conducive to creating compelling characters. So I get up, change her diaper, get her a drink, put socks on her feet, rock her and get her down again. Then back to work. I settle in again, stare at my screen, trying to get into the zone. I take a deep breath and lay my head back on my headrest and what to do I see?

My 2 degrees from Kevin Bacon. Kevin Bacon was in the movie Tremors with this fellow:



That fellow was up on my ceiling. I jump out of bed because this guy's going to fall on my face any moment, I just know it. I run to the closet, grab one of my husband's size 12 1/2 shoes, thinking "Bigger really is better!" and I jump onto my bed and smash the shoe against the ceiling, hopefully squashing this thing in the process. I twist and smash. There's no way this thing is getting out alive. Since the shoe is so big, I can't really see if he's dead or alive, so cautiously, I take the shoe off the ceiling and inspect the damage. There are no bug guts on the ceiling. I check the bottom of Go's shoe. Clean as a whistle. GAHK! I jump around on the bed, ripping away the layers of head rest, pillows, blankets but no creature is to be found. I feel a slight tickle on my scalp. I bend over my bed hyperventilating and manically rake through my hair. Nothing. I feel something on my back. I arch back and hop around, wiggling all over, scratching on top of my clothes, then underneath my clothes. THIS THING IS ON ME! Nope. False alarm. I look around everywhere, behind the bed, behind my nightstand, under the bed. I have no idea where this guy went. I stand there and listen for the scurrying of a million creepy tiny feet but the silence is deafening. I decide not to let this ruin my potentially productive morning. It's time to get to work. I pile on headrest and pillows again. I nestle down in my bed. Laptop on my lap. I stare at my screen. "WAAAAAAAH!" Hello Olive. Ugh. I let her cry and stare at my screen. She continues crying and I decide to reread what I've written already. I do this for a couple of minutes put she's building in intensity, making it impossible to think at all and putting her sister's slumber at risk. I go in again and rock her until she's just about asleep, something I normally don't do but desperate times, desperate measures, people. I sneak out of her room. Ok, ready to write. Get into bed, laptop at the ready. Cursor blinking. I stare at my screen, conjuring something to come. All of a sudden, there's a tickle on my toe. I fly out of bed, yelping and throwing off the blankets. Again, nothing. This thing's inside my head now and I feel like there are bugs crawling all over me. NO! I will not let a silly bug, that yes, may look like an alien, ruin my productivity. I am up! There's still time! I need to write, dang it! I put back my blankets, get into bed, place my lap top on my lap with determination, look at my screen and type one word. The wrong word. Delete, delete. What word should I use? I look up, deep in thought and hello Tremor Worm. You are on the opposite wall now. And now you must die. How did he get over there so fast? There must be two. Maybe even little baby Tremor Monsters. Fantastic. I jump up again, grabbing one of my smaller shoes this time so I can witness his slow and hopefully agonizing death and right as I'm approaching him, coming in for the kill, he senses my thirst for weird-alien blood and drops from the wall and down behind the dresser where I can't get to him. CURSES!!! I throw the shoe down on the floor in frustration. "WAAAAAAH!" This child is going to be the death of me. And so is this alien bug. I grab Go's sound-eliminating head phones, the ones he wears on the airplane while I wrestle our kids, the ones that make me want to reach over the aisle and strangle him while saying "YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME!", the ones that when I look over at him and give him the look that says "I'm going to strangle you if you don't start helping me," he says really loudly over his music "I CAN DO WHATEVER YOU NEED ME TO DO WHILE I LISTEN TO MUSIC" and I shake my head at him, like "No you can't" and he smiles and nods his head like "Yes, I can" and puts out his hands like "I'll prove it. Give one of them to me," and I shake my head again, then mouth the words: "Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon" and he yells "WHAT?" and I mouth "Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon" again and he looks so confused as he takes out the ear buds and says in a normal register "What?" and I say "Exactly." So I grab those, shove them in my ears, get in my bed, get my lap top, and stare at my screen. I look at the clock. It's almost 7. I write one freaking paragraph and Ruby comes in, hungry for breakfast and of course she does because for some unknown reason she wakes up with a blood sugar in the 400's, which is sky high and not good. Sigh. At this rate, this thing won't get published until they make Tremors 9: The Return of the Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandchild of the Original Tremors Monster. And in the meantime, I will be wiggling and scratching at myself all day long because I swear this thing is still on me.

7 Things on September 7th

1. Last night I fell asleep and stayed asleep until the morning WITHOUT ANY FORM OF SLEEP AID for the first time in a really long time. I'm such a big girl. I got to put a sticker on my chart.

2. Kind of obsessed with Chobani greek peach yogurt and Avarado Street sprouted wheat bread and have been for months.

3. I watched Jersey Shore for 15 minutes for the first time a couple of nights ago. I completely see the appeal. It wasn't as gross as I thought it would be and even though these people are completely ridiculous, there is something about them that makes you sympathetic while simultaneously hating them. It was a strange feeling; fascinating and entertaining to witness. That being said, it will probably be the last 15 minutes I ever watch.

4. Lately, I've been overwhelmed with thoughts of all the things I'd really, really love to do that I'll probably never get to do. Like bike across America. Or write a screen play, direct it, do the soundtrack and then watch it in a real live theatre. Be awesome enough at an instrument to play in a band, and then actually play in a band. Get through a yoga class without the teacher stifling their laughter as they observe my crazy unlimberness. Paint a picture that I actually like. These are things I long to do and I fear will never come to pass. There's something else that's always been on that list, but I'm taking it off and am working toward it: I am attempting to write a novel and hopefully, get it published. This is something I've been working towards on and off for the past 2 years. As of tomorrow morning, I'm back on the wagon. I'm trying to prove the voices in my head wrong - the ones that tell me I'll never be able to do it, it's not worth the energy and the sacrifice of precious sleep. These voices are really hard to ignore because you see, the voices in my head sound something like the lovechild of Fran Drescher and Gilbert Gottfried.

5. We all know it: summer is winding down, fall is upon us. 95% of you just clasped your hands together and took a deep inhale. I really, really wish I could do this with you, to relish autumn and be among you, you who gushes about how much you *LOVE!!!* fall, but I just can't seem to do it. To me, autumn is a precursor to 5 to 6 months of wintery misery. But (as always) I'm going to attempt to enjoy it this time around. Maybe I'll succeed knowing that this is my second to last fall here on the East coast. (UTTER GLEE!) But really, even if I didn't get slammed with the winter-blues every year, I'm not much a cozy, toasty autumny person anyway. I get much more excited about things coming in green, fresh and alive (spring!) than I do about things wilting and dying...which is what fall is. Sorry to burst your apple-cinnamon scented bubble, folks. Fall = death.

6. We've been finding dead butterflies in our front yard lately. This creeps me out. What's that movie where they keep finding dead animals around and then all of a sudden some weird disaster hits?

7. This post is starting to bum me out. Hm. How should I lighten this up? Hmmmm...uh...well...how about you pretend that I uploaded a video of Olive dancing? Picture a very tall, very bald toddler hunkered down, jutting out her chin, sticking out her neck, and pumping her fists horizontally back and forth and then all of a sudden, she tips her head waaaay back with her eyes closed and her mouth open wide, sticks out her tongue and sways her head side to side, in time with her fists. Yah. I'm just going to have to post a video.

And Then Their Brains Hurt

Over the past two weeks or so, the girls have watched The Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, The Music Man, and Oklahoma!

(While watching Oklahoma! for the first time Sunday, when Laurie and Curly are singing together in the beginning)

May: Hey, that's Madame Librarian!
Me: Yep. That's Shirley Jones.
May: No, that's Marian the Madame Librarian.
Ruby: She lived in Iowa and now she lives in Oklahoma?
Me: She's an actress, you guys. She's a lady just playing characters in movies. It's not real. Her real name is Shirley.
May: So Mary Poppins and Maria are two different ladies?
Me: Well, it's one lady, Julie Andrews, playing two different characters.
Ruby: I just thought she was always a babysitter wherever she went.
May: A singing babysitter!

Sent from my iPhone

Friday Photos: A Little Peach

These pictures would be a lot more beautiful and interesting

had the FedEx man come with my fixed camera before our trip to the peach orchard

rather than after.

Ah well.

As you can tell, she wasn't really interested in having her picture taken.

And here is a picture showcasing her darling hair.

The East Coast summer humidity may be suffocating and awful

but it does wonders for the Reynolds Girls' curls.

Truth

Today is the dreaded basement day. My goal is to get rid of half of the girls' toys. While I began sifting through all of their junk, May did a perfect swan dive into a big pile of toys and came up for air, triumphantly holding a shiny metal harmonica. "My moron-ica! I've been looking everywhere for this moron-ica!"

...I wonder what her take on bag pipes would be.

Good To Know I'm Not the Only One

May: Mom, when I jump, my bottom flops.

This is especially comforting coming from the little girl who possesses the smallest rear end in the world.

My Favorite Thing I Have Found So Far During This Week of Cleaning and Purging

A fossilized colby cheese stick lovingly wrapped inside of a tube sock, tied with a red ribbon and a half a pound of scotch tape.

Here is the Second Grader and Here is the Second Grader With Her Sisters

First day of second grade!

(Camera's in the shop. Iphoneing it in today.)

Plugging About

Hey! This week my Etsy shop and I are being featured on the super cute Noodles and Milk site.

You'll find

1. My very first tutorial--this mod flower and leaf headband:

2. A chance to win one of these hair accessories: (just leave a comment on the N&M site!)

3. The coupon code for free shipping on any items this week until 9/5--a savings of at least $5.

That is all. Over and out!

You Should Be Hearing Nothing From Me, Which Means You'll Be Hearing A Lot From Me

Over the next three weeks, I have an intense scrubbing/purging schedule. Every day I have assigned myself a different room in the house to scrub/purge. Hence the title of this post. At the end of the three weeks, if I stick to the sched, I should have myself an organized, de-cluttered, de-trinketed, washed clean and organized house. Either that or a really well updated blog.

Our New Favorite Cookie/Gluten-Free Goodness

I'll be the first one to say it--but not in front Ruby of course--that most gluten free things don't taste good or are weird textured, etc. These cookies are not. They are delicious.

OATMEAL CHOCOLATE BUTTERSCOTCH PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES

1 1/4 cups butter
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1 cup sugar
3 eggs
1 1/2 cups crunchy peanut butter
4 1/2 cups old fashioned oats (not instant or quick) - Red Mill has gluten-free oatmeal if you have a person with Celiac in your house
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 cup chocolate chips
1 cup butterscotch chips (look closely at labels--a lot of butterscotch chips have barley protein. If you can't find any that are GF, use chocolate chips)
1 cup chopped nuts (can omit)

Preheat oven to 350. Cream butter and sugars at medium speed until well blended. Add peanut butter. In seperate bowl combine oats and baking soda. Stir into creamed mixture. Stir in chips and nuts. Drop by teaspoonful onto greased cookie sheet. Bake 10-11 minutes. Leave on cookie sheet a couple of minutes.

And This is My Other Family

D-land, Yo!

One day while in California, my Mom, the girls and I spent over 12 hours at Disneyland. I was expecting at least a couple of whining fits or melt downs but I was a good girl and stayed on my best behavior all day. We had a GREAT time. I wish I had brought my camera but I didn't want the stress of it, so here are three pictures I took with my phone:

There are a hand full of people in my life who call me Fannie, for obvious reasons. You would think this might help me pull of the fanny pack. It does not. Unlike my brother, who wears one faithfully and with swagger, when it comes to me, there are no right or wrong ways to wear one...only wrong ways.

This is May right after the plunge on Splash Mountain. She kept her hands up the entire time, as she did on the roller coaster in ToonTown. My MayMay is a thrill seeker. Those who know her should not be surprised at this. Why yes! That is one of those animal backpack/leashes things she is wearing! I used to think parents who used these were horrible but kid leashes have been added to the loooooong list of things I said I'd never do as a parent before I had kids and now do. This list includes but is not limited to such things as snapping while on the phone, using my saliva to clean off a smudge on their face, etc.

And here is Ruby right after the plunge on Splash Mountain, ecstatic that she didn't get completely drenched. Girlfriend hates to get wet while fully clothed.

An Addendum to My Previous Post and Other Things

This is what I have to say:

If someone approaches me and says "Hey, do you think _____ is pregnant?", I will give my opinion. If someone approaches me and says "Hey, do you think _____ has had a nose job?", I will give my opinion. If someone approaches me and says "Hey, do you think ______'s Prada bag is real?", I will give my opinion, which is "Who cares?" That being sad, if you are on my radar concerning a bump, whether be baby or boobs, I will certainly not approach you about it, nor will I start conversations about it. If you want to talk to me about it, cool. If you don't, cool. And maybe I shouldn't give my opinion when asked by someone else that's not you, but well...I'm just not that righteous. The end.

Thoughts on This Early Vegas Morning

Something I'm bad at: Sleeping: Going to sleep and staying asleep and falling back to sleep.

Something I'm good at: Knowing your secret. I know when you're wearing knock-offs. I know when you've had plastic surgery. I know when you're newly pregnant. And I applaud you on all accounts.

Something I wish I was better at: Besides going to sleep and staying asleep and falling back to sleep...thinking the grass is pretty green right here rather than over there.

Something I want to be doing right now: Sleeping.

Joe Pug Hymn #101

And I've come to know the wish list of my father
I've come to know the shipwrecks where he's been
I've come to wish allow
Among the overdressed crowd
Come to witness now the sinking of this ship
Throwing pennies from the sea top next to it

And I've come to roam the forest
Past the village
With a dozen lazy horses in my cart
I've come here to get high
To do more than just get by
I've come to test the timber of my heart
Oh I've come to test the timber of my heart

And I've come
To be untroubled in my seeking
And I've come
To see that nothing is for not
I've come to reach out blind
To reach forward and behind
For the more I seek
The more I'm sought
Yea the more I seek
The more I'm sought

And I've come to meet the sheriff
And his posse
To offer him the broad side of my jaw
I've come here to get broke
And maybe bum a smoke
We'll go drinking two towns over after all
Oh we'll go drinking two towns over after all

And I've come to meet the legendary takers
I've only come to ask them for a lot
Aw they say I come with less
Than I should rightfully possess
I say: The more I buy
The more I'm bought
And the more I'm bought
The less I cost

And I've come
To take their servants and their surplus
And I've come
To take their rain coats and their speed
I've come to get my fill
To ransack and spill
I've come to take the harvest for the seed
I've come to take the harvest for the seed

And I've come to know the manger you sleep in
I've come to be the stranger that you keep
I've come from down the road
And my footsteps never slowed
Before we met I knew we'd meet
Before we met I knew we'd meet

And I've come here to ignore you cries and heartaches
I've come to closely listen to you sing
I've come here to insist
That I leave here with a kiss
I've come to say exactly what I mean
And I mean so many things

And you've come
To know me stubborn as a bitcher
And you've come
To know me thankless as a guest
But will you recognize my face
When god's awful grace
Strips me of my jacket and my vest
And reveals all the treasure in my chest.

CA Comes to a Close

sniff sniff.

Not shown:

Disneyland.

The pool.

Seeing my cousin Meagan.

Seeing my cousin Taryn.

Seeing my cousin Mitch.

and a bunch of other good times.

Auntie Sarah came down for a wedding

and were lucky enough to snag her for a few hours in Laguna.

Go acclimating himself to the outdoors and sunlight.

Smoldering. As usual.

Us.

Now onto Vegas...

Because You Needed More Beach Photos?

May May by the Sea Shore

Today

Friday Photos: CA So Far

Things I Decided

Things I Decided That Would Be Equally as Awful as Traveling Single-Parently With Three Children for 16+ Hours:

1. A classic: getting a root canal

2. Wearing Shape-Ups

3. Entering an adult beauty pageant and singing "Proud to Be an American" while wearing an American flag-print Snuggie

4. Watching Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking for 16+ hours

5. Reading all the Twilight books from start to finish

6. Taking testosterone pills and growing a beard

7. Getting a cat

8. Brushing my teeth with motor oil

9. Changing the diapers of one million babies

10. Declaring oneself a Belieber from the pulpit