No Assembly Required? Not Interested.

I'm a little nervous for tomorrow. I'm going to have to set up our tent without a help from a man. No husband, no Dad. This nervousness comes from the recent realization that I am not very good at putting things together. You see, Go is gone a lot. He especially seems to be gone whenever it's Trash Day or "Let's Replace the Hideous Swan-like Chandelier in the Kitchen With a Slightly Better Light Fixture Because That's All We Can Afford Right Now But It'll Be Better Than What We Had" Day. He was gone during "Even Though We Aren't Having Our Baby For Three More Months, I Must Have This Crib Assembled and Placed In the Nursery-to-be Right This Second" Day. And "Look at These Cool Scandinavian Designed Mini Table and Chairs That Just Arrived. It Has to Be Put Together This Very Instant So I Can See Its Clean Lines and Good Design in Person and So That Ruby Doesn't Have to Do Her Coloring on an Adult-Sized Table and Chairs." And "I Don't Know What I'll Put On This Bookshelf But It Must Be Put Together Immediately" Day. And then "I Hate The Way Our Room Is Arranged" Day. Oh, and there was "I Just Bought This Twin Bed Set For May Even Though She'll Be In Her Crib For Another Year, It Was On Sale, So I Must Somehow Remove It From the Top of Our Very Tall Vehicle and Lug the Mattress and the Box Springs Up the Stairs and Then Put It Together Because I Must See What It Will Look Like In Her Room Right Now" Day. I never want to wait around for him to actually be home (with the energy) to do it. And because I have not yet fully matured, I am still very much into instant gratification. And I like to think I can do whatever any man can do. This is very wrong. I may be able to drive a stick shift and quickly parrallel park like a man or down several burritos in one sitting like a man but I cannot build things like a man. So now we have a crib with front bars that will not go down, a very cool kids table and chairs with loose legs, a book shelf that resembles the Leaning Tower of Pisa, a couple of dents in our bedroom wall, a couple of scrapes in the stairway and a jiggley twin bed.

I also always get hurt while doing these things. Like banging my finger with a hammer, dropping something heavy on my toe, falling down the stairs while trying to lug something up it that is five times my weight and size. Then Go gets home and I'm all banged up and we have some crazy looking thing just sitting there, waiting to be put together by someone who actually knows what they're doing and every time he says "Why didn't you just wait for me?" Dude. Come on. How long have we been married? Over seven years now? You should know by this point that it is an impossiblity for me to sit and stare at something, laying in its box as just parts, nuts, bolts, screws, and some lousy instructions. I must assemble. I must. I don't have a choice but to assemble. So tomorrow, when I'm trying to put up my tent for the very first time, I will fearlessly forge ahead and cross my fingers that I do not poke anyone's eye out in the process.