Stumped

What do I get these two clowns for Christmas?

As shown here, last year's gift to John was a hit.

I'd like to keep that momentum going.

Things that come to mind off the top of my head for him this year:

Anti-convulsion medication

A gift certificate for a tatoo on his other pec--maybe of Niagara Falls?

Somehow fill him with false hope,
convincing him that he'll forge ahead
as the first Garlock boy to graduate college
with a full head of hair.

Skateboard lessons

A bottle of Creep Sauce

Possibilities for Joseph:

A shirt with buttons

A shirt with sleeves

Actual swim trunks to wear to the beach instead of undies

Some children to scare

Raise this dog from the dead.

Or maybe I should do a combined gift. Some bubble bath, perhaps.

Or maybe a good old fashioned family hair-chop-off session.

Or matching Hefner jackets for old times sake.

Me? I won't be needing any more hair spray this year, thanks.
Shockingly, I still have enough leftover from 1991.