The Twelve Steps of the Ugly Yard Anonymous Program
1. Admit we are powerless over the barren ugliness of our yard - that our yard has become unmanageable.
2. Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity = the Lowe’s Garden Center.
3. Make a decision to turn our will and our gift card over to the care of the Lowe’s Garden Center Guy as we understand him.
4. Make a searching and a thrifty and informative inventory of the Garden Center at Lowe’s.
5. Admit to Lowe's Garden Center Guy, to ourselves and to our shared-wall townhouse neighbor the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Are entirely ready to remove all these defects of the ugly yard (i.e., the cinder block, the extension cord, the 10 yr old moldy bird feeder.)
7. Humbly ask Go to help me move the bag of topsoil so I can get to work.
8. Make a list of all persons we have harmed by them having to look at our ugly yard, and are willing to make amends to them all by improving it.
9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, such as our neighbors and to Go for throwing out his back after moving the 100 pound sack of topsoil.
10. Continue to take inventory and keep working, if yard still needs a little work, promptly admit it and go back to Lowe's.
11. Seek conscious contact with Lowe’s Garden Center Guy as we understand him, seeking only for knowledge of his will for our yard and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had an aesthetic awakening as the result of these steps, we will try to carry this message to other owners of ugly yards and to garden to the best of our ability in our future yards wherever they may be.
6 comments:
Don't worry. I don't garden either. When you live in an apt. you don't have to...then suddenly, you have a house and it's a whole new ballgame. Hmmm. Hey, how do you add friends/contacts to your blog? Check my page out! I added pics! Go me!
Hilarious! I love the pink crabapple tree--gorgeous. One of the most disappointing parts of my first gardening experiences (in my tiny patio, no less) was that all these plants I loved were quickly shot down by the gardening center guy because they either don't grow here, I don't have the right light set-up for, or they are just way too difficult for me to keep alive. You have to start small! But is sounds like you are going big. I can't wait to see more pictures.
Annie Garlock! Okay, I know that's not your last name anymore, but I wanted to say hi...I linked to your blog from Annie Gibson's. You guys are having too much fun -- and your kids are adorable! Cute blog...
-Erin (Robinson) Featherstone
I feel your pain! today somebody knocked on my door to see if i wanted help with my yard and he told me my yard looked awful and beat up! he even kept insulting my poor yard as i closed the door in his face! maybe its time for us to go to Lowes and begin your step by step program.
i bet our yard is worse than yours. i saw something weird in the window the other day and realized it was a weed--that had grown taller than window height...and it wasn't the only one either.... you think some of that BYU grounds crew experience would have helped chad out.
A bit of history. As a kid, my backyard contained, but was not limited to, the following:
-A lion head's fountain hewn of stone, which was never turned on, but served as the bath house to a family of chickens. (Note: my dad received this fountain as a gift from a patient who could not pay his bills) I actually think my dad thought this was a good deal.
-BB pellets, evidence of the many hours my brothers spent trying to kill the chickens our Mexican neighbors allowed to play in our fountain
-An ancient stove filled to the brim with acorns I collected. My parents thought this was a charming antique.
-Our dryer (Apparently, it was more energy-efficient if it wasn't blocked in the laundry room)
-The "pee tree". An excellent rest stop if we were too busy to go inside to get relief. My parents were unaware of this.
-A compost pile. In other words, an excuse to throw biodegradable garbage out the window and on to a pile without feeling guilty.
-Mostly dead grass with a patch of luscious green, directly above our septic tank. A leak perhaps?
I could go on, but I've embarrassed myself sufficiently for now.
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