Just Some Things

1. I will post pictures soon of the birds I made, though some of them turned out funky in the beak because I used too heavy of fabrics and some of the beaks look like noses, making them look like dogs instead of birds. Not cute.

2. I am enjoying the clean aroma of my Method Citrus Cilantro circle air freshener thingee.
Of course, the scent is a special edition and they will not be making it for very much longer, which always happens to me, especially when it comes to jeans.

I have a very, very hard time finding jeans that fit me right. I have a smallish waist, a big bottom, big spinning quads, and short, big- boned legs which is an odd combination indeed. It takes a lot of time, blood, sweat and tears to actually find jeans that even come close to looking not-ridiculous. When skinny jeans came onto the scene, I liked them but was convinced that someone with my body type could not and should not wear them. But I forged ahead with a pound of naivete and an ounce of hope and miraculously ended up finding the perfect pair: Arden B.'s Lexy Skinny. They make me look like I have a somewhat normal body, which is a hefty feat. Of course, now that I've worn them so much, there are holes in the crotch that I've patched over. Twice. Do I still wear them? You bet I do, but I did try to acquire another pair. I went online and couldn't find them. So I went back to Arden B. back in May while we were in CA and guess what? The Lexy Skinny have been discontinued. Forever. And ever. This did not shock me. Why? Because anyone who actually can fit into them probably shouldn't be wearing skinny jeans anyway. Miss Size Zero Snooty Bridges Arden B. Worker reaffirmed my hypothesis by laughing out loud at me when I shared this gem with her.

3. This coming Monday, the girls and I were planning to go camping with a bunch of other Moms and their kids. It was going to an adventure, seeing as the last time I camped (not including girls camp), I was wearing cut off sweat pants and a scrunchee in my hair.
How much would I love to have either of my brother's T-shirts right now? Anyway, all of our husbands thought we were crazy for wanting to do it alone and come to find out, not that thrilled about the whole idea for safety reasons so like the good little submissive wives we are (HA!) we are doing a day camp instead but STILL building fires and tents and eating foil dinners and s'mores and doing it without any help from a man. This shall be interesting.

4. I leave soon for CA. I am excited. After CA, I will be going to Vegas/Reynolds' cabin which I am equally as excited for. I'm so excited that I'm finding it hard to do day to day things, which always happens about a week before I leave to go back home. I just want to be gone already.

5. Does anyone else find it annoying when you're reviewing that stats from your site and find that some unknown blog has a link to yours, so you go try to go to this blog and it's private. Private! That doesn't seem fair for some reason. Like who is this stranger and why do they have a link to my blog on their sidebar and in what category is it? It could be like "Stupidest Blogs Ever" or "Most Narcissistic Blogs Out There." I guess I shall never know.

6. Ruby has been making lots of these lately--rabbits and mice faces.
7. Last night, Go was on call and so I found myself alone. Following my dear aunt Mary's advice, I watched an episode of Gilmore Girls before I went to bed. AND IT WAS MY FAVORITE EPISODE. It's not the the cleverest or best written, but it's the one where Rory kisses Jess at Sukie's wedding. I may or may not have rewound the kiss scene 20 times. And then I went to sleep and had very nice dreams.

8. I have a list that is a boa constrictor's length long of things I have to do before I leave that I don't want to do. And they all involve phone calls, paper work, money and the post office/UPS/FedEx. All of these things/places I loathe very deeply.

9. I got my Real Simple magazine about a week ago and I have yet to go through it. This is a record for me. I might just save it for the airplane. Like I'm going to have any time to read between wrestling my two squirrels, cleaning up spills and getting May to stop flirting with the creepy guy who will, and always is, sitting in front of us...

10. It's really hot and humid today, which makes me very glad I will be leaving soon.

To Whom It May Concern

If you were one of the dozen girls at my house last night and took a potty break from RockBand/Speed Scrabble and found yourself "resting" in my restroom and then, to your horror, found an empty toilet paper roll, I deeply apologize. After about half of you left, I went in and saw this:

I was mortified to find that I may have put you, my guests and friends, in such a precarious position. Hopefully whomever used the bathroom last also used the last sheet and it was sufficient for their needs. I would just hate to have put anyone through what I have gone through myself. And I really hope no one had to get creative. I will say this, I promptly threw my hand towel in the wash after you all had left just in case.

But now I'm thinking that there really were some of you who found themselves stuck, and then tried to get back at me by leaving all of your delicious treats at my house. Well played, my lovelies. Well played.

Dear Stone Temple Pilots

I've always liked you. Especially you, Scott Weiland. Not because of the Huntington Beach connection and despite being busted for drugs over and over. I've just always liked your voice, the way you move when you sing, your fashion flair and thought your red-headed complexion was boyish and cute. I regret to inform you Scott, that I've found a new admiration for Dean DeLeo, your guitarist. I've been working on passing the medium level of Vasoline on Rock Band's guitar for a couple of days now and I cannot do it to save my life. And that's on medium. I can't imagine what it would be like on expert and especially, the real deal, up on stage in front of thousands of people, trying to do it while you're drunk and high. I'm completely sober and hit half of the notes half of the time and then I get booed off the stage and have to start over. It's the greenredgreenredgreenredgreenredgreenredgreenredgreenredgreenredgreenred that gets me every time. So Scott, even though I've had a crush on you for years, my new crush is on you Dean DeLeo. Not because you have a really cool sounding name, but because I bet you could hit the greenredgreenredgreenredgreenredgreenredgreenredgreenredgreenredgreenred with your eyes closed. While intoxicated. Very impressive.

Cordially Yours,
Annie

P.S. - Drugs are bad for you. Knock it off, you knuckleheads.

Just a Suggestion

If you're going to have your husband cut your bangs, make sure that you both are very clear on where exactly you would like him to cut.

The Big 2-8 ?

First of all, thank you to all my bloggy buddies for sending me sweet birthday wishes. It made me feel really special. Yes, and the other kind of "special", too. I did ride the short bus to school back in the day. I really did, which is why I'm allowed to occasionally pop out a short bus joke.

So I feel like I turned 30 today. Not because I feel 2 years older than I really am, but because everyone (myself included!) made such a fuss this year. But I am ok with this and here's why: Two years ago on my birthday, about a week after we moved to PA, Go had just started his intern year working 110+ hours a week and so he was like suddenly and totally absent from our lives, we were renting this house out in Nowheresville while all of our stuff was in storage save for our mattresses, our computer and a Napolean Dynamite DVD, I didn't have any friends yet, we were unsure of our financial situation as we had yet to make our first paycheck, we had just purchased our house, Ruby was freshly diagnosed and hello, we had just moved across the country. Anyway, my birthday got completely overlooked which was fine under the circumstances. Two years later, it's a complete 360 and it sure made up for it. And I do have to say, it was really nice, though I felt ultra silly being showered with so much attention.

My day of birth was really good:

Reason #1
6:30 am. I wake up to find Go coming in from a night of work. Through one partially opened crusty eyelid, I see he's taking off his scrubs. I expect him to climb into bed and go to sleep, when I hear his belt buckle jingle, which is a belt he's had since he was 14 and has worn every single day of his life since. This belt is in a great state of decay. Some of the horrific things I see while watching reruns of CSI remind me of it, in fact.

Me: Are you putting on pants?
Go: Yup.
Me: Does this mean you're going to go stand in line at AT&T for me right now?
Go: Happy birthday. Go back to sleep.
Me: Zzzzzzz...

Reason #2
After driving home from the AT&T store separately, Go has to turn around to return my phone (they gave me the wrong one) and he is given the last (correct) one in the store! All the while, I am sitting at home with my imagination running wild with all kinds of visions of him getting mugged in the parking lot of our ghetto-fabulous mall by some burly thugs. Not only is he crumpled up against his little red Subaru with a bloody nose but our iPhones are gone. I know! The horror! But he comes home alive and in one piece, with iPhones in hand. I really shouldn't have worried in the first place. Nevermind his big muscles, he watches a lot of UFC and has learned how to brawl by osmosis.

Reason #3
We have our iPhones in our hot little hands and they are perfection. And thus ends my blogging about the iPhone forevermore. I know. You're going to miss it. Sniff.

Reason #4
Free Food No. 1: Chik-Fil-A. Here are the cow costumes/my mask. May keeps saying "Mama, I's a Moo!" We met Mandy, my luxury cupcake maker there, along with another buddy, Jen P. The kids were darling; I was so mad I forgot my camera. But Go was kind enough to get take a picture before we left.

Reason #5
Free Food No. 2: Slurpees. I have no documentation of this event but I do ask the 7-11 guy if I can get a bigger sized slurpee for free because it is my birthday. He is not amused. I press harder, saying that I can prove it with my driver's license. He couldn't care less. Hmph. I guess the 7.11 oz cups are better for me anyway.

Reason #6
I play a little of my early birthday surprise.


Reason #6
A birthday get-together with friends at a park while a cheesy jazzy cover band plays. Awesome. We eat pizza, cupcakes, chocolate covered frozen bananas, cookies, grapes, cherries, drinks and delicioso black-bottomed-cupcakes. It is a good time with some great friends.

This was the only good shot I got before my battery zonked. By the looks of this picture, you would think that this is the first cupcake my daughter has ever eaten.


Thank goodness to Camie, the organizer of this silly shindig and my great, great friend who is unfortunately not pictured, for taking all these pictures after I was left cameraless. AND made sure, while ignoring my large amounts of eyerolling, that there were exactly 28 candles. Because she is wonderful and silly like that.

You wouldn't know it by looking at her, but Bryn's got a baby boy in that tummy. A baby BOY! If I could look anywhere near this good when I'm pregnant, I'd be pregnant every day of my life.

This was taken during a rare moment where May was not on Chrissy's lap begging for fruit snacks. WHICH CHRISSY ALWAYS GIVES HER. Because she is a lover like that and I think May likes her better than me. Which I totally understand why.

Jen P. was not documented but I was so glad she was there! If she would have been pictured, it would have entailed a stylish, sexy mama with big blue eyes and a mischevious smile. She's up to no good, that one.

Would you have a hard time living next to Tamara; the epitomy of natural beauty? Would it make you a little self conscious? It would. It does. She's also, like, super super nice. I hate it when that happens.

This is Heather kind of hidden on the left, who is no doubt telling an incredibly funny story, causing someone to spurt rootbeer out of their nose. She has that ability and does it with ease. On our right is Cheryl, who is deep in thought, probably wondering how it's possible to be as awesome as she is, even though she really has no idea how awesome she really is because she's the opposite of stuck up. Thus the deep thought.
Can you believe that Jenn just had a baby mere months ago? She looked like this walking out of the hospital. And we all hate her for it. I can say that because she refuses to read blogs. Instead she reads things that greatly improve her mind, because she's a smarty like that. And a smarty-pants to boot.

I forget who this girl was and why she was there but someone needs to tell her that she should at least brush her hair before going out in public. And also that sitting Criss-Cross-Applesauce (the politically correct way of saying "Indian Style") is so not a good look for her. But I took pity and cropped that part out. She can thank me later.

Speaking of Birthday Suits

Warning: This post is rated PG-13. As in, like Titanic, PG-13.

I received this colored page from Ruby for my birthday.

And then we had a little chat.

You Wish You Had Friends Like Mine

My supremely cool friend Mandy made me a dozen cupcakes for my birthday. Half are Charlie & Lola, because I love them and their illustrator Lauren Child and the other half are birds. Aren't these just so ridiculously awesome? How am I supposed to eat these? They're works of art!

She is the funnest girl and certainly one of a kind. What opera singer do you know who also teaches hip hop? I'm so lucky to have overlapped these years here in PA with her. Mandy has a crazy good recipe blog you must check out, where about a week or so ago, she posted and explained how to make these Charlie & Lola faces (you can do any shape/character) if you ever want to knock the socks off of your friends for their birthday, too.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Will Be Waiting in Line at the Crack of Dawn at My AT&T Store To Purchase an iPhone 3G Tomorrow

10. Because it's my party and I'll wait if I want to.

9. It has a built in GPS system and we get lost a lot...which usually results in under-the-breath mutterings and snappy come backs, both of which I am too good at for my own good.

8. So any emails I send out from my iPhone will automatically say "Sent from my iPhone."

7. So I can stomp all over my old phone like a cartoon character. Please see number 6 and 5.

6. My new iPhone will not have exposed wires, a cracked and peeling body.

5. I will not have to use two hands to keep it open.

4. I will no longer be a customer of T-Mobile, which will make me feel better about myself as my face time with spokes model Catherine Zeta-Jones will be significantly lower.

3. I will have my iTunes with me always. You never know when you’re going to need some Peaches and Herb.

2. According to Wii Fit, my equilibrium is off. I need something that is exactly 4.8 ounces in my right hand at all times to level myself out.

1. I can check my email during Relief Society.

A Conversation with My Mother

My husband, the nicest thousandaire husband in the world, got me an early birthday present that I couldn't believe I actually received. I was so excited, I called my Mom to tell her. The conversation went something like this:

Me: So I got an special early birthday surprise today.
Mom: (who loves guessing games) Oooo! From who?
Me: Go.
Mom: (cell phone starts to cut in and out) Is it an addition to your family?
Me: What? Go is apart of my family. Wait, what did you just say?
Mom: I said, is it an addition to your family?
Me: No! Are you seriously asking me if I'm pregnant?
Mom: Well, it's something that Go would give you.
Me: I'm not pregnant.
Mom: And it's special.
Me: Ew! Mo-om!

We don't talk about such things.

And you know what else I don't talk about--how spoiled I am. I'm too embarrassed to even post about it yet. But I will.

Uh-Oh

Smell that? It's this week's obsession.

If My Husband Was the Nicest Gajillionaire Husband in the World

...he would get me something small for my birthday.

And something big.

And he would give me all the colors of the rainbow.


Red
Orange

Yellow

Green

Blue

Tourquoise

I don't want anything purple

Pink

Brown

Clear
Black
Grey

White
That pretty much covers it.

Our Fourth

Friends. BBQs. Rainstorms. Fireworks. Shishkabobs. Other people's puppies.

7/11/08

One week from today is my birthday. I'm not just informing you so you all have ample time to prepare, but some fantastic things are happening that day:

1. As I've said before, the iPhone 3Gs come out.

2. Chick-fil-a's Cow Appreciation Day--dress like a cow and get a free combo meal.

3. Free Slurpee's at 7-11.

4. Hellboy II: The Golden Army comes out in a theater near you!

5. My BIL Dan comes home from his mission. He has been gone for 2 years, serving in Omaha, NE. Harry, another BIL (I have quite a few of them) about a year ago, unearthed this video that Dan had made of himself before he left and posted it on the Reynolds family blog. I sat there and watched it about 10 times, teary-eyed like the boob I am. I absolutely love this kid.

so much so that I've even forgiven him for the hat.

Warning: There is a Significant Risk of Getting a Contact High Just by Reading This Post

I look just like her, don't I?

I'm just about finished. I did this one first because I like the other fabric a lot better and wanted to learn and mess up on this fabric, which I certainly did. I messed up so many times that I'm like the best seam ripper in the world. I learned a lot of new things: after making several calls to my Mom, I learned how to make darts and understitch. Yes, she is still speaking to me. And I will bet you $5 that even though she was driving to the mall during most of our conversations, she was wearing an apron.

So I just put it over my clothes to see the length, fit, etc before I put the buttons on, which I am not sure I am even going to bother doing. This thing is beyond wild. It looks like it is on drugs. Maybe for Halloween, I can be a Grateful Dead bear. Or maybe a psychedelic clown.

I had orginally wanted to make it with a plain fabric, like in the bust and then have a plain strip down at the bottom as well, out of something that I already had but I didn't have enough of anything that would really go and I was too cheap/lazy/high off of just looking at the fabric to go back to the store to try to find something.

Other than it being incredibly busy, I also ended up really not liking the pattern. There's too much fabric on the bottom part and it makes me want to curtsy all over the place.
If I did ever try to wear this thing, it would have to be worn over a plain white T and plain jeans--definitely not over my pajamas (duh) and it would probably help if I had on some makeup and my hair was actually done but then I might be mistaken for an Orange County housewife. Who just ate some mushrooms.

Shmaprons

There's this girl I know who while growing up during meal times, her mother required her to wear an apron. This mother really didn't like removing stains and apparently, that girl was a pretty messy eater. I would venture to say that this girl, now an adult, is probably still a messy eater but that's just an educated guess. Anyway, this girl, we'll call her...Shmannie, even during her teenage years, had to wear an apron no matter who was over at the house. Friends. Missionaries. Out of town guests. Friend-Boys. Boyfriends. Potential but unrequited boyfriends most likely due to the messy eating/apron wearing. Shmannie's mother, who I'm just pulling a name out of a hat here--Shmaren, wears an apron almost all day long. Shmaren packs aprons with her when she goes on vacation. Shmaren brings aprons with her to functions where she might find herself helping out in the kitchen. Shmaren probably offers to help out in the kitchen just so that she can wear her apron. Shmaren is a big fan of aprons and has very stain-free clothes. For 18 years, Shmaren has tried to convert her daughter (and sons) to the way of the apron before leaving her nest, but her plight is unsucessful. Our Shmannie, while a college student living in...Shmrovo attending...BYShmoo and out on her own, even though Shmaren has stuck an apron in her suitcase for her to use, refuses to when she eats or when she cooks her Ramen noodles or makes her ham sandwiches. The feeling is liberating, I would imagine. Now when Shmannie goes back home to, let's call it, oh...Shmirvine for the holidays, she is horrified to learn that she must still wear an apron at dinner. It must be what a nudist feels like at a turtleneck convention. Why a nudist would attend a turtleneck convention, I haven't the foggiest but that's what Shmannie feels like. I'm just guessing here. So now several years down the road, with time being able to heal all wounds and our Shmannie grown up with children of her own, let's call them Shmuby and Shmay just for kicks, does she make them wear aprons? No. Will she ever make them wear aprons? No. Does Shmannie, who dutifully slaves over a bubbling and hot stove almost nightly just as her mother Shmaren did, wear an apron like she probably should? No. Does Shmannie, who still cannot eat something without dripping it on herself, wear an apron like she probably should? No. She refuses. Which is too bad because she is passing up oppurtunities to look cute in something like these or anything from her friend Alison's site. Has Shmannie forgiven her Mother even though she is scarred for life? Yes. Will Shmannie ever be able to forget, though? No.

Apparently I Am Not An Orange County House Wife

I know there are some of you out there that might not believe some of the conversations I put on here to be entirely true. Though sometimes I write things that aren't true for humor's sake (which I try to make obvious when I do), all of my conversations are pretty exact to the actual conversation that took place. No embelishments, no exaggerations, not even for humors sake. So believe me when I tell you that this entire conversation really, truly took place in my spin room this morning.

Me: (to my class) So I'm going home in a couple of weeks and John will be subbing. Be nice to him, ok guys? (Oh how I love my fitness-instructor banter. Blehck.)

Spinner who's pretty new to the class: Oh, where's home?

Me: California.

Spinner: Where abouts in California? (They always say "where abouts" out here.)

Me: Orange County.

Spinner: (Eyes widen to the size of salad plates) You're from there?

Me: Yep.

Spinner: But you're so down to earth!

Me: Um, thanks.

Spinner: I never thought I'd meet someone from Orange County.

Me: Well. it's your lucky day. (Ha-ha. Ho-ho.)

Spinner: I just can't believe you're from there. Born and raised?

Me: Not born, but raised.

Spinner: I would have never guessed it! You look nothing like what I've seen on TV, like on those shows.

Me: Yah, don't believe everything you watch.

Spinner: (totally ignoring what I just said) I mean, it's just that you never wear makeup. You're hair's always up and kind of messy. No jewelry. You come in always looking like you just rolled out of bed.

Me: Um...

Spinner: I mean, not that those are bad things, I just would have thought someone from Orange County would present themselves differently.

Me: Uh...I don't know, I'm just kind of like that, especially at the gym and you're right...most of the time I have just rolled out of bed...but um...uh...So how's that gel seat working out for you? Those really help make your crotch less sore when you're new to spinning. (what?)

I've decided that the more one attends a gym, the less tact one begins to have.

Day One of Tunic Making

Just to clarify, I am making two different tunics. One with one fabric, and one with the other. I don't even want to imagine what it would look like if I used both fabrics together.

So last night I finished the top part (except for the buttons) and I only messed up once! It felt good. I ironed on my fusible facing to the right side of the fabric, not the wrong side . Woops.

Sewing takes great concentration. I have to read everything out loud like 50 times to visualize everything in my brain. If you were a fly on my wall yesterday, you would have heard "Stitch RIGHT sides together. Stitch right sides TOGETHER. STITCH right sides together. Stitch right SIDES together."

A Naptime Project and Fabrics on Acid

While my batik material was in the wash (and my kids were zonked out in their naps), I whipped out this little number. Maybe a change purse or...ANOTHER iphone cozy? You can never have too many iphone cozies. You can't see it very will but the top part is purple wool felt. Yes. You heard me right. It just looked too pretty next to the grey and creme material...

...and the yellow. BAM!
And here's my material for my tunics.

So I know they're super ugly but I think they're so ugly, they're almost cute...we'll see if I can pull this off or not. The bottom one, which I refer to as Jerry Garcia's Undies, actually looks better in person. I swear.

The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Sewing Machines

While Taryn was here, we were talking about sewing for some reason. She does not sew. In fact, she refuses to, just as I refuse to wear aprons. A post about this will be made someday in the near future. Oh yes, Mom. I'm doing it. Anyway, in the past couple of years, I've started sewing little things here and there but I've never ventured into apparel. Why sew something that probably won't turn out looking very good when you can buy something on the sales rack at Banana Republic for almost the same price? But I've been feeling a sewing itch for awhile and after my conversation with Taryn, I decided to give it a whack just for funsies.

Won't you join me on this adventure?

I am going to make the tourquoise top but it will be a little longer.
Notice the word "EASY" in red. This was a major selling point for me. I also liked the model's sassy pose. I plan on posing a lot after I make my smock or tunic or whatever you want to call it, so it was good to get a visual. Because I look so much like that model. Especially in the ankles. Pfff.

I got some cool batik fabric (on salesville!) so after I make it, pair it with a tee, it will come out looking something like this but hopefully more boho and summery and less Edelweiss.