Twinners

We've all heard that everyone has a "twin" or someone who looks exactly like them, just walking around out there, right? I mentioned this theory a couple of days ago to my friend, saying that her sister-in-law--a family friend's wife (I'm talking about YOU Tori B.) has a twin who is a Continental Airlines flight attendant. And a mighty fine one, I might add. She doted on us for our entire 5 hour flight.

I get told I look exactly like random people all the time; it's bizarre how much it happens. Though they are never, ever celebrities or super models (Shocking! I know, right?) and always people I have never met, I still get a strange thrill when I get told by the lesbian who's munching on tropical trail mix while standing in line for the bathroom at the Chevron station in Baker, California (located next to the Mad Greek Cafe and The World's Largest Thermometer! (which is actually in no way way a thermometer, but a glorified marquee)) that I am the spitting image of her niece. Or my friend, who after a trip to Denmark, proclaimed that my second self rides around Copenhagen on an orange bicycle with a wicker basket. Or the time that our med school buddy flagged down the wrong girl in the hallway of the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics after tailing her for awhile, convinced that it was me. Apparently Joe, an elderly man who hangs out at the gym, has a daughter and I remind him of her so much that it almost makes him want to come to my spin class but I play my music "just too darn loud." I once walked into a party at a house in the hills of Salt Lake City, greeted by a glittery woman doused in perfume who embraced me, exclaiming "Devore!" It took several minutes to convince her that I was not Devore, but a girl named Annie and no, I wasn't related to Devore and in fact, did not even know who this Devore was. She's lovely, I'm sure.


Several years ago I found myself in an eerie situation. I was in a smoky bar seated on a couch abutted to a small stage decorated with Christmas lights, waiting to watch some live music. Across the room was another couch piled with other twenty-somethings. Smack dab in the middle was a girl who looked exactly like me. She looked so much like me that I had a hard time keeping my eyes off of her. Total creep sauce. When our eyes finally met, it was a very Haley-Mills-Parent-Trap-Summer-Camp moment. I'd like to think I was the much cooler twin from California opposed to that stiff broad from Boston but then I would have been the first to have that very, very unfortunate light bulb-shaped haircut. All night long, we kept looking at each other and were both obviously weirded out but for whatever reason neither of us addressed it. I wish I had had the courage to just get up, cross the room and be like "Hey. We look a lot alike, don't we? Weird, huh?" I could have found out if we also sounded the same. Or were we somehow related? Did fragrant deodorants give her rashes, too? Was John Lennon also her favorite Beatle? And what about when your arm brushed up against something and your arm hairs were no longer laying in the same direction? Did that drive her crazy, too?

While out here in Vegas/Irvine on my trip, I've been seeing people who look exactly like friends I knew from high school, college, etc, all whom I haven't seen in years. Thankfully, they haven't end up being those people but actually their twins. This keeps happening, no doubt, out of my paranoia of having people see me in my present big and bloated state. It is vain and stupid I know, but that's the way I'm rolling right now. Literal rolls, in fact.

Happy New Year, Devore, wherever you are.