I am 26. I will be 27 in July. In today's society I'm considered pretty young to be married and to have 2 kids. Until just recently, every day when I'd wake up to one of my girl's voices, it would send a little surreal shock down my spine. In those first few hazy moments of the morning, I'd expect to open my eyes to my yellow bedroom back in Irvine and hear the crows cawing in the eucalyptus trees outside while I tumbled out of bed and made my way for the bathroom so I could brush my retainer. But in the past year or so, I've become used to the idea that I'm settled down, am married, have children. I'm a stay at home mom and have accepted this as my life, not that it was hard to accept or contrary to what I've always wanted and expected to happen but it's just taken some time. And I've realized that it's been moving to PA that has helped this along. Since moving here, I've had to defend myself and my age almost on a weekly basis. I have had comment after comment made to me about how I'm too young to be married and have two children. For example: a couple months back, I had just finished teaching a spin class and was sitting on a chair in the spin studio, taking off my cycle shoes when I was approached by four women in their 40's who had just taken my class, during which I mentioned something Ruby and May. You know, a little instructor banter. "We just have to ask", one of them said, her voice dripping with (insincere) apologies, "...how old are you?" I was a little taken aback. The women blinked and waited for my answer. I gave a little laugh and said "I'm 26." "And you have TWO children!" one of them said horrified, looking to the other women who mirrored her screwed up face. "Yes, " I replied still smiling, trying to be polite. "How old were you when you got MARRIED?" another asked. I told them and gave them my whole time line since they were so interested and they proceeded to shake their heads like it was the saddest thing they had ever heard and went on to say how they waited until after their careers to have children, that way they were more mature and ready to take on the responsibilities of motherhood and "isn't it just a shame today, these young mothers getting pregnant before they've really experienced what life has to offer." This bothered me. Excuse me, but I am experiencing what life has to offer. I'm raising children and since when did that lose importance? Since then, I have run into that scenario more often than I'd like but somehow it's made me more comfortable with my age and my situation, more firm in my convictions that what I'm doing is just as important as anything else, dare I say, more important. It's probably like what happened to me so many times in middle school and high school with constantly having to defend my religion - the more I did it, the more confident I was in defending it, being apart of it and letting it help shape my identity. So thanks rude ladies. Thank you for helping shape my identity of a young mother in today's sometimes disapproving society. And I just have to ask. How old are you?
7 comments:
YOU GO GIRL!
I think you are a great, young mom, and I was always surprised (and in a good way) when I remembered you were younger than me. More along the lines of, "I can't believe this cool wife/mama/friend can put up with an old lady like me." Not that having 4 years on you makes me some kind of Elder or something. I think they are jealous of such a put together woman - I am too!
I could go on about this for a long time, but I won't. It really bothers me that one would get in a lot of social trouble if she questioned "alternative lifestyles." However, outright criticism of "traditional values" can be mocked and downplayed so freely. This is obviously very twisted. I'm sure you did a good job of defending your choices in a dignified way. I get sick of doing it too, but it totally has to be done. Way to go!
OH Annie.
I'm so proud of you. I've gone through the same thing here. First with getting married and moving to Iowa when I was 21 (gasp... Never did I tell them that I was the OLDEST & last of my friends who got married.) Why... do people think it is there business to get in our buisness. What if we think it is WRONG for them to put their career first? Would we ever DARE say that to them? NO. Not that I think it is... but PLEASE!
People & their opinions drive me NUTS!
i will be 26 by a week when i have my third, so i have gotten my fair share of comments too--although never that detailed! all i can say is that we wanted to have our kids while we were young and had the energy to chase them, have them out of the house in our early fifties, be able to travel, go on missions and even get to see our grandchildren married and have kids of their own. i always felt sorry for those kids graduating from high school and their parents looked old enough to be their grandparents. i'd rather be the parent that everyone says, "is that your MOM?" and then goes off about how young and sexy i look... just kidding, but you know what i mean... i hope i didn't offend anyone.
I have the opposite problem :) Talking with all the other moms of toddlers at church, "How long have you been married?" "7 years" "How old were you when you got married?" "Umm, 24" "So you're HOW OLD???" So I never have the problem of defending myself to worldly women! And it's a good thing it's all taken a long time--I am way too immature to have started young! So more power to you, Annie.
I know this feeling so well. You wouldn't believe the comments I got right after having Luke about "it was nice we were keeping our surprise baby" and "now you can be done since you had your two . . . " etc. And before that I had a co-worker ask me how I could get married at 20 since I didn't have any time to really "find myself." She obviously didn't see the six of us Northwoods Girls trying to "find ourselves" sophomore year :)
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