Olive took an hour nap this morning. And is asleep right now...kind of. We're moving in the right direction. Thank you, thank you for all the advice/well-wishing/sympathy. It did Mama good. Here is today's magic elixir--the key to Olive's daytime napping: swaddling (whole body), rocking followed by swooshing, dark blanket up on her window, quietness, Prilosec, Gripe Water, gas drops, binkie. In the past, I've been anti the dark and the quiet during naps--felt like it was setting them up to be fussy sleepers but, well, Olive is a fussy sleeper, so there you go.
I realized not being able to get things done wasn't what was bothering me the most. What really was at the core of my internal upset was this: I not only love my kids, but I like my kids. They are kind and funny and smart and sweet. I would like them if I wasn't their mother. I've always felt this way about them, even as infants. And even though I love Olive, over the past week I was beginning to feel like I didn't like her and that made me awful and guilty and inadequate and guilty some more.
Today, I can honestly say that I like Olive. She slept. She wasn't fussy. She even smiled at me this morning. And then she let out a big toot and that smile was gone as quick as a flash. But still. I'll take it.
4 comments:
I'm so glad things are working!! Swaddling was a life saver for us with Storey as well-in fact we still swaddle her loosely now. She can get herself out of it, but it seems to calm her down.
The mask thing is a little freaky-especially because it has drawn on eyes over your baby's covered eyes, but it worked miracles, so I didn't care :)
whoooo hooooo!
VERY glad to hear!! And TOTALLY get the guilt thing on relating to your kids in a not so positive manner. I can remember when you guys were little and were sick and fussy/grouchy and so for several days in a row, I'd be feeling about you/interacting with you differently and not enjoying you and then you'd get well, and it was like "Oh, yeah, this is what he/she is REALLY like. Back to the love fest!"
hooray!! Fussy babies are so hard and you hit the nail right on the head--you feel guilty because you don't "like" them very much at that moment. This (hopefully soon) will pass and you'll be able to sleep again.....I mean you'll be able to stay up late at night and blog again. :)
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