Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Ten Items of Which I Have No Intention of Ever Returning

1. A humongous sweat shirt that belonged to one of my brother's friends. Go now wears it when I make him BBQ and it's February.

2. Another sweatshirt, but much smaller. I'm pretty sure its rightful owner is one of my brother's old girlfriends.

3. An assortment of socks belonging to an assortment of my exes. Most of them were thrown away years ago, but some have been made into sock monkies, made to resemble their previous owners. They now line the tops of my book cases. Just kidding, they've all been totally biodegraded in some landfill by now...after I made them into sock monkeys, made to resemble their previous owners, that is.
4. A small stack of CDs belonging to the aforementioned motley crew. Mötley Crüe?

5. A pair of scissors of an old room mate's. Her name is written on the shears with nail polish and I think of her every time I'm creating my ransom notes.
6. A copy of On the Road, which I had borrowed from a dreamy beatnik who a week later dumped me hard core. Sucker...I still have your book.
7. A couple of CDs, which I borrowed from a guy who a week later, I dumped hard core.

8. My brother's $200 straightening iron. Yes, you read that right. $200...My brother's.

9. My friend from high school's yellow bath towel.

10. An Oingo Boingo CD which was lent to me by a creepy guy I met at BYU and successfully avoided for the rest of my time there. Weird Science, indeed.

11. My Mom's Go-Gos CD. i'm totally lying, mom. i really don't have it. i swear.

8 comments:

bethany said...

I thought they could be my scissors-I've been wondering where they went-until you said the part about nail polish...nope, not me.

bethany said...

Oh yes, and I was trying to think of things that I kept of old boyfriends and couldn't think of any (stolen items, not old boyfriends, I had plenty of those). I did remember though that a boyfriend gave me a coffee table book of temples for Christmas (he dumped me a week later) which I then proceeded to use as my wedding guest book 6 months later. How do you like them apples?!?

The Jensen Family said...

I made the mistake of breaking up with someone before getting my CD's back! I am still bitter about this!

Meredith said...

My mom gardens in the IHS volleyball sweatshirt that once belonged to a high school boyfriend.

Anonymous said...

You lie about lying!!!! Turkey - there better be it or a replacement in my Mother's day stocking or you won't be seeing the lights of LA with your hubby ala getaway...

Anonymous said...

Oh - and I want both my Rusted Roots back too!!!

Dragstripcourage said...

Johns Straightener, JOHNS. you like those sweatshirts? i could get you a couple of bras too. ya know what im sayin?

Anonymous said...

Hold me back...

Room for rent. Was to be occupied by returning son, who's now changed our minds. Only those willing to sacrafice humor for civility need apply.