Three examples found inside my very own home:
1. THE TOTALLY OBVIOUS:
In our frozen pizza's "Baking Instructions" for dinner tonight: (don't judge me, it's been one of those days)
"Do not eat pizza without cooking."
Whew, that was a close one. We would have been sitting at the dinner table, gnawing on our frozen pizza for hours if it wasn't for those instructions. Thanks, frozen pizza guys.
2. THE TOTALLY RIDICULOUS:
On my bottle of conditioner:
"CAUTION: Before use, a preliminary patch test should be made. IMPORTANT: A preliminary patch test should be made before application. With soap and water, carefully choose a skin area the size of a quarter on the inner elbow or behind or near the hairline. Apply conditioner to the cleansed area with a piece of cotton and allow to dry. Leave unwashed and uncovered for 48 hours. If no sign of irritation or redness appears, proceed with application. Do not use on abraded or abnormal skin."
"Hey, you've got something on your inner elbow."
"Oh, that's just my conditioner. I'm doing a preliminary patch test."
"A preliminary patch test? What's that?"
"I don't really know. The bottle told me to do it, so I did it."
"The bottle told you to?"
"Well, it didn't tell me..."
"I know, I was just kidding."
"Oh. Ha-ha-ha-ha."
"Yah, I can be really funny sometimes. So how is the test going so far?"
"Well, there's no sign of irritation or redness, so I'll proceed with application in an hour. It's been there for 47 hours. Just one more hour to go and then I can take a shower."
"Well, it's a good thing your inner elbow wasn't abraded or abnormal."
"You can say that again."
"Ha-ha-ha-ha."
"Ha-ha-ha-ha."
And scene.
This concludes my proposed script for the public service announcement needed for the endorsment of preliminary patch tests of conditioners campaign. I think it will be a sensation that will sweep the nation.
3. THE TOTALLY AWESOME:
Found on a package for a Texas Hold 'Em Poker Set: "For ages 3 and up."
Sorry, two year olds. You can't play poker with us tonight, not until you're three. Now run along and go back to playing your little Russian Roulette game.
15 comments:
This made me go into my purse at work an do a lil' inspection.
1-Banana Republic Indulging Body Mist: Do not use near heat or flame(you may explode) Avoid spraying in eyes(unless you ar being attacked, then spray in attackers eyes while lit with a flame)
2-Philosophy Powdered Sugar Cookie Lip Shine: melt into lips at least twice a day(melt? like microwave then use a spatula to apply? "at least" so if you use it only once you might die?)
Wow that was interesting;)
Kazaaa to the Personal Injury Lawyers of this great country, both those who are with us, serving their brains out, and those who have passed on to greater courtrooms in the sky.
I am seeing this theme going places. Perhaps you could post your top favorite/lamest consumer instructions from time to time. You know like Jay Leno with the newspaper ads that he always glues to those black cardstock squares? It'll be just like that!
I just bought a new hair flat iron and it says not to use while sleeping... Dang- it was such a time saver to do my hair during the middle of the night...
So funny (but sheesh, what kind of conditioner are you using?--that's quite a patch test). And mommacita beat me to a rant about personal injury lawyers . . . look at this special legacy they're leaving us.
I ALWAYS do a patch test when using new hair products...
Ha ha! I think the warning on the Texas Hold 'em might be to protect the adults, I wouldn't want to go up against May in any kind of card game, she's crafty.:)
Annie,
Because of this post I very nearly had diet coke come squirting out of my nose because I was laughing so hard. Thanks a lot for nearly scarring my nostril innards.
luvs, aby
snortworthy. feels good eh?
Mike and I can't read the labels anymore without glasses, which we can never find. We will probably die a horrible death because of not heeding to the instructions on the labels. Thanks for bringing this to our attention.
Holy cow. So funny I can hardly stand it. I will pay more attention to instructions in the future. Who knows how many possible rules I am breaking.
Ahh, I needed a little chuckle tonight. Much appreciated. Thank you. And I'll be more careful with new conditioners from now on! Phew. Thanks for the heads up. ;)
Love the visual of you guys gnawing on frozen pizza =0).
I knew we'd be friends, but I had no idea that you'd become my evening entertainment.
You make me laugh so hard, I just woke Liam up. Thanks. I'll remember to read this before bedtime.
Keep it coming sister, keep it coming.
Thanks for this post! It made my day go from blah to awesomely awesome! You're totally on my rad people list!
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