Sleeping with the fishes

I have discovered a new culture of people I was not aware of before: people from New Jersey. Hershey Park is the closest attraction for people from New Jersey, so this Memorial Day when we went, it was incredibly crowded with these loud out-of-towners. After some keen observation of this culture, I've come up with a list of a New Jersey male's must-haves :
-Every strand of hair covered with extra stiff-hold hair gel, then pushed up away from scalp towards the heavens? Check.
-Eyebrows waxed so that they look like a woman's? Check.
-Long black wife-beater tank top? Check.
-Dirty underwear? Check.
-Long shorts, sagged down to mid buttocks? Check.
-Long, thick gold chain necklace? Check.
-Big fake diamond stud earrings in both ears? Check.
-Skate shoes even though I've never touched a skate board? Check.
-Fake baked tan? Check.
-Ridiculous tatoo of the country of Italy, barbed wire or a flaming 8-ball? Check.
(It doesn't matter how old you are. I saw baby boys with their ears pierced, sporting diamond stud earrings and gold chains.)
If you are a female from New Jersey, this is most definitely your list:
-Hair grown past my waist, curled at the end? Check.
-Big boobs and/or push up bra? Check.
-All white outfit: White tank top, teeny white shorts? Check.
-Forgo wearing underwear? Check.
-Big metalic gold belt? Check.
-Gold bangles stacked from my wrists to my elbows? Check.
-Cleopatra eyeliner along with gobs and gobs of other makeup? Check.
-Dolce & Gabana sunglasses? Check.
-Gucci bag? Check.
-Huge Chanel gold earrings? Check.
-Fake bake tan? Check.
-Three pieces of gum in mouth? Check.
Upon entering the park, we found ourselves walking behind a group of about 8 teenagers that had all the attributes of the lists above. Go and I exchanged a smile as we walked past them. We came upon another set of kids that looked exactly like the group before. "I must of missed the memo," he said, referring to the the second set of blank tank tops. He saw me eyeing the stunning girls and put his arm affectionately around me, a guesture that said "I like you just the way you are. Please never wear that much makeup." We passed the second group up, (it's hard to walk at a normal pace when you're trying to keep your shorts up with your knees) and came to yet another group that looked EXACTLY like the groups before. "It is Mafia Day at Hershey Park?" I wondered out loud. We entered the park and discovered thousands of clusters of these look-alikes, filled to the brim with these masters of flash. And they all seemed to know each other. Everywhere we went, we saw groups of them embracing and overheard nuggets of solid gold conversation such as these: "Hey. How YOU doin'?" and "You talkin' to me?"
Go doesn't know yet but we're going to be Joy-zee kids for Halloween.