Lately

Our wedding anniversary is coming up--eight years. Most of the time, it seems to me that Go and I have been married a really long time. That wasn't meant as a hee-hee-hee-playful-yet-loving-jab-in-the-ribs; we've been through a lot during the past 8 years, so it seems like even longer than that to me most of the time.

Tonight though, I was lying on our bed with the girls, getting ready for our nightly prayer/hug ritual. We were waiting for Go and I found myself mentally putting "eight years" into different references, like "That's the length of high school and college combined!" and "That's the length between ages 11 and 19!" It was just weird, as I lay on the bed surrounded by my girls and thought about all that had happened and what had been produced in that length of time. Suddenly, it seemed like just yesterday I was standing there at my wedding reception, very young and stoked to realize that I had just married a guy who had longer hair than I did. I couldn't have been happier and neither could he.

So it's been eight years and we're still in sync, even when we don't mean to be. Today it was discovered that we had inadvertently been working toward the same goal: to be happy whatever we're doing, wherever we are.

His goal stemmed from a work/home standpoint. When he's at work, he should focus on enjoying the process of cutting people open and sewing them back together in an aesthetically pleasing fashion rather than focusing on how long he's been there, how tired he is and how many days its been since he's seen his girls. And when he's home, he needs to let go of the stresses of work and bask in the golden glory of the Reynolds women.

I, on the other hand, have been trying to live in the moment and enjoy each day, despite the issues I have with my current location. I need to quit the ever-going internal "I Don't Belong on the East Coast" pity party and realize it's not where I am, but what I am that matters. For me, this stems from the knowledge that Olive could be my second-to-last baby. That sentence sounds ridiculous, but really, just thinking about it makes me verklempt. I love my babies--I love all babies, period and I don't want it to end. If I could hold babies for the rest of my life, I'd be in heaven. I remember confessing to my room mate back in college, Katie, that I didn't really want to get married, I just wanted a baby. This was before I met Go. Oooobvsiously. Katie laughed, probably thought I was kidding, perhaps an attempted slam against the male race, which wasn't something out of the ordinary, but I really wasn't joking; I was completely serious. I wondered how many girls were there at BYU wanting a baby more than a husband, like I was. I wondered if they had the same sudden urge, when they were just walking around campus maneuvering through the sea of smiling faces, trying not to take anyone out with their giant art portfolio and of course not cutting corners, when out of the clear blue Utah sky, SLAM! they wanted, no, NEEDED to hold a baby, any baby. Right then. Did they NEED to shmush chubby smooth skin, kiss a soft velvety cheek and run their hands over a crop of fluffy hair? Did they NEED a tiny but strong grasp around their finger and to be looked at with clear, bright eyes? My whole body would just ache to hold a baby, but there I was, shlepping around Provo, totally babyless, much to my Bishop and my parent's delight/relief.

This feeling actually first began with a chimpanzee when I was probably 10 or so. My brothers and I were watching some show and the guy carried around a monkey in a diaper. It was like lightening had struck. I HAD to hold a chimpanzee. I physically yearned to carry around a diapered monkey. I remember professing this to John and Joe and they were both like "Yah! How cool would it be to just walk around holding a monkey?" I like my brothers. They get me.

So that's what I'm doing--realizing that what I'm doing right now, every day, is exactly what I wanted my whole life. It doesn't matter that it's not where I want to be, but it matters what I'm doing and who I am. Even though I still have never held a monkey wearing a diaper, I'm a mother of three ridiculously fun girls and I married a guy who used to have longer hair than me and I love it. This is the life I wanted all along.

Summer is approaching and I have loads of things planned. This summer, I want to teach my girls how to make the most of each day and bask in the glory that is right now and enjoy being who we are right now. This is their childhood. These are the years our family will look back on and long to have back. So right now, I think I'm going to go kiss Go and tell him that these past 8 years have been rad and I love who we are right now.