Yah, so Texas is as crazy as I always thought it was.
Some things I observed:
-Texans love their air conditioning. The minute I walked off the jetway and stepped into the airport, my nose hairs became icicles. They can't have it at a normal temperature or even just a little cool; it has to be blasting ice-cold, bone-chilling air into every square inch of their enormous buildings. An "Our air conditioning is bigger than your air conditioning" kind of thing. Or maybe wearing cowboy hats make your head hot. I wouldn't know.
-People wear cowboy hats for reals. Like they seriously get up in the morning, style their big hair and then put a cowboy hat on and think "There" and walk out their door. Which is bigger than your door, of course.
-The older you are, the thicker your Texas accent is. Like you've earned the right to have this thick of a Texas accent by all the years you've lived on this earth.
-They love their Coach bags. I saw more Coach bags there than I have in my entire life. I wouldn't be surprised if I had walked out the airport doors and the roads were paved in Coach material. Little c's and backwards c's everywhere.
-People throw religion around like it ain't no thang. So this chick with a neck brace walks into the restroom and is waiting next to me in line for a stall to open up. I look at her and give her a sympathetic smile. And that's all she gets from me, because that's all I would want from a total stranger if I were in her situation. So we're standing there, and it's about 10 seconds after I acknowledged her and her neck brace and this airline employee with huge blonde hair walks out of a stall, spots the chick with the neck brace and stops dead in her tracks. Her eyes widen and she makes a beeline over to Neck Brace with her hands clasped dramatically to her pursed lips and I can already tell this is going to be good.
Big and Blonde: Aw mah Lahrd! Mah goodness yew par thang! Whayt heppened to yew-ew?
Neck Brace: Oh, I was in a fender bender. It looks worse than it is, really.
BB: Aw no-oh! Yallar in pain, ay jest know eyt!!! Yall jest are so bray-ve.
Neck Brace: (nervous laugh) No, really. I'm ok.
And then Big and Blonde, without a word (thank goodness) puts her hands on both of Neck Brace's shoulders, leans her forehead so they're touching and seriously starts praying...in tongues. At first I thought it was just her accent but she was just jibber jabbering away like this was something she does every day. Neck Brace closes her eyes and lets Big and Blonde do her thing and it is one of the most bizarre experiences of my life.
-I saw this and threw up a little bit in my mouth. How "Fox News" is it to have a "Fox News Store"?
Some other photos I took while in Texas:
And from my seat:
12 comments:
austin is to texas, as say, chicago is to illinois. i am choosing not be offended by your post, as i spent much of my life loathing texas as well. but i will say that the airport is not the real world.
If Texas has done it's job, then I will be that big haired blond lady by the time we leave here. Awesome...I know. Glad you could enjoy our airport.
Yes, I don't think the "airport", especially not DFW, defines all that is Texas.
Truth is, if your flying through there on Sunday, most of those people probably aren't even from Texas. More likely they thought a good take home gift from Texas would be a gallon hat or a coach purse.
So I will do my best to consider you still a friend. But I make no promises.
Every ounce of it is 100% true. I was reading down your post thinking to myself, yep, yep, oh my word heck yes, seriously yes...it's more than you'd ever imagine living here! So funny. The biggest hair, the most coach bags ever, and a new found one: most pungent perfumes! Seriously I was blown away by this lady! Not only her hair (which was frosted, with black roots, and blow dried straight out on the sides) but I met her at the bottom of the stairs...and could smell her all the way up to our apartment on level 3!
Ok ok it's not THAT bad but seriously some very very lovely finds.
-so sorry I missed you during your trip--but I know how it is when you have limited time and so much to do & see. i'll catch you next time.
-so how did you not get kicked out of the getty? do they have that bed set up for photos because I don't remember being able to touch anything there, let alone roll around on it (although I almost risked getting kicked out of the MET once while drooling over a medieval bed there)
-your blond hair looks amazing
-the dallas bathroom story was the funniest thing I've read all week . . i thank you.
The more I travel in Texas the more I come to believe that Austin is different than the rest of Texas and that is just the way I like it. If by chance I get do in a fender bender I can always dive to Dallas for a free blessing at a truck stop and probably pick up some great BBQ brisket while I'm at it. How can you mess with that?
I had so many people grab my hands and pray for me (in tongues and in English) when I served my mission in TX! I remember one time my companion and I just laughing through the whole "prayer" and I thought I was going to pee my pants cuz the lady just kept going and going! I'm glad you got to experience a little bit of TX Annie!
You are so Irvine - snob to the core.
OMG, I think that bathroom incident would ONLY happen to someone not living in the south. I was literally lol-ing the entire time I read this...and I live just north of Texas. It's all true...sad, but true.
What’s wrong with a Foxnews store? They have a right to peddle merchandise like anyone else. I think is it awesome that that every state is different. It is like evolution, the more diversity you have (ideas, religions, personalities, etc) the better chance at survival. So Hannity coasters for Texans and Anderson Cooper roach clips for you :)
Dear Anonymous,
Did you seriously leave those comments? If you dare to be so BOLD as to insult someone personally because you disagree at least leave your name.
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