Ruby, 5 and May, 2.5

Just in case you were wondering what going out in public with my children is like:

(As a side note, my girls are unable to talk at a normal register. If you've ever seen the Will Ferrell Special voice imodulation skit--that's Ruby and May. They don't just talk, they yell.)

Yesterday's Dentist Office Waiting Room Experience

Receptionist Lady: Name, please.
Me: Ruby Reynolds. (Turning around, saying to Ruby who is next to me trying to pull herself up unto the counter so she can see the lady) Where's May?
Ruby: May!
May: (already around the corner, exploring the waiting room) I wite ee-yahs! (I'm right here!)
Lady: Here you go, just fill out the front and back of this for me.
Ruby: (jumping, still trying to catch a glimpse) Are you the dentist?
Lady: (still sitting, just kind of answering her while she types on her computer) No. You'll see him a little later.
Ruby: (still jumping) Oh. Then what do you do?
Lady: (still sitting and hidden) I answer the phone and do office work.
Ruby: Oh. May! Where are you?!
Me: Thanks.
I head into the waiting area where May is playing with a barn and farm animals. Ruby is standing on a chair.
Me: Hey, get down. What are you doing?
Ruby: I'm trying to see that lady. I never saw her.
Me: Get down and we'll go see her.
Ruby: (pointing to a man in the waiting room) Why is that guy reading that book?
Me: (pushing her finger down) Because he's waiting. And don't point; it's rude.
Ruby: But I just wanted to know why!
Me: I know that. And I told you why, but I don't want you to point.
Ruby: I know. You already said that! I just wanted to know!
Me: Ruby, do you want to go see the lady?
Ruby: Yes.
Me: Then stop it.
Ruby: Ok. I'm hungry.
Me: You just ate.
Ruby: But I'm hungry again.
Me: You'll have to wait until after you see the dentist.
Ruby: But that's a long time!
Me: No, not really. And stop yelling.
May: Lah-lah-lah-lah! (totally in her own world, very busy with her singing and playing)
Ruby and I walk back around the corner and beside the desk so she can see what the receptionist looks like. Ruby and the receptionist, who ends up being very nice and very patient, have a lengthy conversation.
May: Lah-lah-lah-lah!! (this goes on for several more minutes while Ruby chats up the lady)
Me: What did you find, May?
May: Wook, Mom! I found dahm an-ah-mahls! (holds up a plastic pig) Wooka da witty piggy! (sits down, takes off her shoes and starts grabbing her toes) Wooka ma piggies! Wee, wee, wee! (Look, Mom! I found some animals. Look at the little piggy! Look at my piggies! Wee, wee, wee!)
(Ruby runs back from around the corner)
Ruby: May! Do that to me! (Ruby takes off her shoes and sits down next to May)
May: (grabbing Ruby's toes one by one) Wee, wee, wee! Wee, wee, wee!
Ruby: That tickles! Look Mom, May's tickling me!
Me: Yes, I see that. Ok girlfriends, put your shoes back on. We're going to have to go back soon. No, May, the other way. Wrong foot.
Ruby: Let me help you, May!
May: EEEEEEEEE! AAAAAAHHHHH!
Ruby: EEEEEEEEE! AAAAAAHHHHH!
Me: (hissing) GIRLS! Ruby--let her put on her own shoes. May--stop screaming.
Ruby: BUT I WANTED TO HELP HER!
Me: Stop yelling. Come here and talk to me.
Ruby: BUT I SAID I WANTED TO HELP HER!
May: I NO WANCHOO HEP, WOOBS! (I don't want your help, Rubes!)
Me: Come. Here. (she haughily stalks over) I know you were trying to help but you know she hates it when you try to put on her shoes. You can help her do something else later. Right now, I want you to stop yelling and read this book.
Ruby: I already stopped yelling.
Me: ...Ok. Just sit here and read this book.
Ruby: But I don't want to.
May: I read dat book! (takes it out of Ruby's hands)
Ruby: No, May. I'm reading it!
Me: I thought you didn't want to, Ruby.
Ruby: I do! (a tug of war ensues)
May: EEEEEEEE! AAAAAAHHHHH!
Ruby: EEEEEEEE! AAAAAAHHHHH!


And this is why I'm tired.