You are walking across your college campus, wearing your Dad's 20 year old church ball jersey and bell bottomed jeans that are stained with cadmium yellow oil paint. You're lugging your huge portfolio which is roughly the size of a billboard and wearing your oh-so-scandalous messenger book bag with it's oh-so scandalous shoulder strap you wear across your chest because a) it's a messenger bag and that's the way it's supposed to be worn and b) you want to give dirty thoughts to whomever wrote a letter to the editor stating that girls on campus shouldn't be allowed to wear messenger bags because "it separates the boobs." You're running a little late to class, so you choose to cut through the library instead of walking around the building. Upon entering, you bump into an old family friend--a guy you haven't seen in years. You always had a thing for this kid when you were younger. You knew he now went to the same school as you and had always wondered if you'd ever run into him and wow, you really couldn't be happier about the way you are looking right now: yellow paint not only all over your jeans, but in your hair, most likely smeared across your face and definitely all over your hands and underneath your fingernails. You feel the heat rise to your face and you know from experience that it's also turning bright red. You both loudly exclaim an "Oh my gosh!" and engage in a hug that's kind of weird, partly because you want to hug him but you don't want him to know you want to hug him and partly because you're both worried that he'll be covered with yellow paint afterwards. In a few sentences you both explain the last several years of you and your families' happenings in a nutshell. He's smiling at you and you're smiling at him and you say you're running late and have to go and now it's the part when he's supposed to say "Wait, let me get your phone number" or "We should catch up more later" or something to that effect, when he says "Hey, do you still have that really hot friend? You should totally hook us up."
Choose your own adventure. Do you:
a) Kick him in the shins.
b) Wipe some paint on his shirt.
c) Whack him with your portfolio.
11 comments:
He was totally asking you about me, wasn't he? That's funny...I don't think he ever called.
Hi Annie,
I love reading your blog, it is so funny and yes, I realize you are being satirical! This is Kelly, Emily's roommate in Utah, the year you and Go were dating. I knew you that year and that was it, but I think you are totally entertaining and hope you don't mind that I am one of the 400 that snoop on your blog. I thought I should comment once or twice so you don't think you're talking to complete and utter strangers! Thanks for the laughs...
A letter to the editor about shoulder straps separating boobs!!! Oh, how I *don't* miss the big Y.
Stuff like, "separated boobs" acutally makes me miss BYU! It was kind of like living in a cartoon. Honestly, that kind of stuff is HILARIOUS to me! If I had heard that, which I never did and was there for 5 years, I would have run out right away and bought a messenger bag. That was my favorite thing, you could mess with people's heads without really doing anything wrong or offensive at all. Where else on earth can you do that??? All I had to do was wear black and I was a rebel. I'd never been a rebel before in my life!! I loved it!
luvs, aby
My mother in law has been in town for the last week and a half & I haven't been able to check/spy on the blogs I adore (My MIL thinks that spending time online is a waste of time (which it very well might be)- so for a week and a half, I've been playing to the crowd and have pretended that I SO don't check anything out online. Yes, I'm a namby-pamby sissy. My MIL sometimes intimidates me. Sue me.). Anyway, I've {SO} missed reading your adventures. I just read through a chunk of your posts and have laughed out loud for about 30 min. Your posts are the gifts that keep on givin'. Oh, how I love your stuff!
(awkward moment-I've just now noticed that I've gone overboard and gushed a bit much- You may not see a comment from me for a while due to the fact that I'm a titsch embarrassed.)
Did he not notice your separated boobs? For sure he wouldn't have been able to control himself if he had. I would have smiled nicely and explained how my cute friend had met this totally amazing, handsome, rich, so much better than you- guy and is taken. Then I would have kicked him in the shins for good measure and marched my hot yellow smeared booty back to somewhere separated boobs are appreciated.
LOL. That was great...on so many levels. Are you serious about the messenger bag? I never thought of those as sexy. Hmmm...and you should totally kick him in the shins. :)
Hmmm, I'm thinking I've got a pretty good idea exactly who that friend is. I think each one of us probably had that experience (minus the paint and messenger bag) with her. Good thing we all love her anyway :)
You say Sure. Maybe we can double with your hot friend?
I wouldn't risk damaging anything in the portfolio on boy from adventure #4. And I wouldn't waste paint. And the shin kick is beneath you. Go away icky boy. That was for YoMama.
She used to say that to every male until I introduced her to tgar and she lost her passion to him forever.
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